That's where I find myself this morning:
1 But now, this is what the LORD says- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
As I walked past this section of the beach where the ocean waves entered the inlet from several different directions, I could feel my legs weakening at the thought of one of my children being swept into these dangerous currents. The lifeguard further down the beach front explained to me that the current in this area is much like a washing machine, churning and spiraling inward pulling everything down that enters its unpredictable waves.
"Do not go near this section," I warned my boys daily. Knowing the danger and seeing the warning signs, we easily made the choice to stay far, far away.
Unfortunately, in my real life I don't get this option. The churning and spiraling of reality pulls me inward and downward as if life's news is drowning me in fear and doubt. Choosing to avoid life's dangerous currents isn't always an option. There are times when, athough a physical lifeguard may not be on duty, we are thrown into crashing waves where we need Someone to be our spiritual lifeguard....and the good news is that God made this promise in Isaiah 43 when He says, "when you pass through the rivers, I will be with You."
I love the Scott Krippayne's song, "Sometimes He Calms the Storm."
All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place
Yesterday's news with Nick has awakened me once again in the wee hours of the morning with that feeling of panic and dread that can only be subsided by time in God's Word. Upstairs Nick sleeps peacefully with my mom, his future uncertain. The bone scan showed some things that they are unsure about. The reality of the tumors in his brain causes my chest to cave in. Thursday we return again to Cincinnati (a two-hour journey) for a petscan to look at all of the tissue of Nick's body.
I still pray for a miracle. I think of Daniel's 21-day fast, and I contemplate it.....desperate for any way to show God that I am sold out on His love and provision for Nick, trusting only in Him for healing.
I think of Habakkuk's words:
16 I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled. Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us.
17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
I remember the special service at She Speaks where Renee Swope spoke and one by one we came forward with our fears and doubts. As we came, we were handed cards that had been prayed over and God-selected for each of us to receive. My blessing was a card that said I was, "ABLE," and it held the verse Hab. 3:19. I cried as I returned to my seat realizing that God was saying to me, "Tammy, I believe in you. I have plans for you. I am your strength. I will enable you to go on the heights."
So, tonight, as I lay here in the darkness of my living room, hearing only the repetitive breaths of my sweet doggie at my feet, I must make a choice.
A choice to either fear or to trust.
A choice to wait upon the Lord or become paralyzed by anxiety.
A choice to keep walking in faith or be overcome with doubt.
Here is what I know: God's Word is true. God knew Nick before he was formed. God loves Nick. God will not abandon or forsake Nick. God has a plan for Nick. God brings good out of every bad situation. God's promises never fail. God never fails. God's mercy is new every morning.
Thank you, Father, for being the Great I Am, the Alpha and the Omega, the Creator of Heaven and Earth. Who better to care for my son? In Your loving arms I place Nick's future. I continue to ask for and believe that You are a God of miracles and that if Your will can be fulfilled by healing Nick than You have the power to do so. I also, fraily and humbly, realize that Your ways are higher than My Ways. So, God, as my family passes through these waters, my deepest prayer is that You will continue to pass through with us.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
Are you in water over your head right now? Please know that I am praying for you too.
Thank you to everyone who visited my blog and left prayers and kind words. Thank you to everyone who is continuing to lift Nick to His Heavenly Father. I am overwhelmed with thanksgiving.