Dear Precious Prayer Warriors,

You know I just couldn't end my day without spending time with all of you who have grown to hold sucha special place in my heart.


First, I have to say that Nick's journey may have ended in a physical sense today, but Nick's journey is only beginning in a spiritual sense. While my heart is literally torn in two, I know deep inside that Nick is with His Heavenly Father............safe in the arms we have all laid him in time and time again in prayer. And Nick's journey will continue here on earth as well. A foundation will be beginning in Nick's name. Through this foundation Nick's life will touch others for years to come as we give college scholarships, promote literacy in children, minister to hurting families and sick children, and help support missions worldwide. Nicholas Yancy Nischan stil has work to do!


Second, I have to share with you a little about the past couple of days at our house. All of our kids have been home, which in and of itself has been wonderful. Erich, our oldest son who is a junior in nursing school, has been more help than I could possibly EVERY put into words. Nick's health had weakened to the point that we could not have made it without Erich's strength, knowledge, and love for Nick. Evan's humor kept Nick's spirits up on many occasions. Todd and Olivia continued with their "normal" activities of computer/cell phone life (Todd) and sleepovers and basketball (Olivia). I believe that these normal events also kept Nick's spirits up. One evening a little friend of Olivia's stayed all night and we made gingerbread cookies. I came down and asked Nick if he would like to make one if I brought him a pan and a cookie cutter. He said, "no," until Mamaw had the great idea that he could give the gingerbreadman a gun! Nick cut out a man and Mamaw helped him create a nice-sized bazooka in one of its arms!


Thanksgiving morning Nick was lying on the couch upstairs and mamaw was under his feet holding her dog, Amber. I was sitting with Nick's head on my lap on a pillow. The tumors were so hard to look at but deep inside I just kept praying that they would shrink....that Nick's head would be totally healed. As we sat there together, Nick patted the blanket and said, "Amber," in a sweet little voice, trying to get Mom's dog's attention. Then when Amber looked at him, he said, "This is the life." And honestly, Nick meant it. He had me at one end of the couch, and my mom at the other end of the couch. He was under a blankie and there were no needles and in his mind no worries. He had great peace. To him it truly was "the life!"


He was able to eat a little for Thanksgiving dinner and then of course we watched the Titans have their 11th victory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With a score of 47 to 10!! I of course loved the numbers, and Tim told me later that Nick was so glad the Lions didn't score 1 more point! He knew I would have totally flipped out then. But truthfully the 47 points combined with the 11th win was enough for me to know that God was with us in a very special way. Nick napped off and on throughout the afternoon, and then late in the day, as I was sitting by him holding his hand I noticed that his hands were tightening up and he kept looking over at me but not really talking. I felt very nervous and honestly thought that maybe he was going to die at that time, but mom said she thought he was having a seizure and we were able to give him some medicine that really relaxed him. We called Martha, my very dear friend who has been such an unbelievable nurse to Nick over the past few weeks. She and Linda (our other special nurse and friend) came within minutes and stayed for a while to make sure things were okay. I did not want to take Nick to the hospital......the thought of having him endure any needles was more than I could bear.



Nick fell to sleep peacefully that evening, but on Friday morning it was apparent that Nick was not waking up from his sleep. It was as if he were in a coma. All day long he slept without responding to us when we would talk. The boys would take turns talking to him and they even brought Rock Band down to the room with him and played for a while hoping he would hear and want to wake up and be a part of the action. Friday night at midnight, Mom, Erich, Tim, and I were still up (Olivia had gone to stay at a friend's house) and I had bought the movie, "The Nativity" which we decided to watch. It was such a beautiful reminder of the amazing plan God had in bringing His Son into this world, and I just hope and pray that Nick could hear the movie as he slept there with us watching it.


This morning, Nick's breathing seemed much more strained, but he still would not respond when we talked to him. Evan, who normally sleeps in very late, was up by a little after 9 and was sitting right at Nick's head just watching him and touching his shoulder. I came down and suggested Evan get under his feet and rub them for a while. I looked down into the room a bit later and Evan had leaned over on Nick and was holding hand and was sleeping. I wanted to take a picture, but I chose to just take one with my heart. It just didn't seem right to violate that moment for Evan. But I couldn't help but think of the verse that says Mary, "pondered all these things in her heart." That is what I have tried so hard to do this Thanksgiving break....simply ponder and soak up every precious minute. Every single word.


Around 11 (I think), I had been outside talking to mom for a minute on the porch about Nick's condition and then came in to give him another kiss. I noticed that something did not seem quite right and went to get mom. I called Martha and a couple of other people from church and they were at our house within minutes. It was amazing how Nick seemed to know that the stage was set for his beautiful departure to glory. Erich came to hold his hand and was crying, Todd came down beside him and cried harder than I have ever heard him cry in my life, Evan sat at Nick's side and held onto him crying, Caleb (Todd and Nick's buddy from birth sat right there along with us), and my brother got there in time to be with us too. Tim was at Nick's head and I was at Nick's side...............It was so hard to let go and whisper in Nick's ear that it was okay to go. I reminded him of Bill Leamon and John Mark Pemberton....I asked him to take care of Adrienne until we get there.............I told him we would be there soon. Mom sat at Nick's feet and told him she loved him too. It was a moment in time that I will hold close to my heart every minute of every day for the rest of my life. Nick simply began breathing less and less frequently until he took his last breath.


From that moment on our house has been a constant whirlwind of friends and family. We are sure that at least 100 people have been in and out of our home today. We feel so loved and so thankful. I have so much more to say, but I know that I am already going to be in trouble for the hour at which I am writing this. For tonight, I have to say this, Of all moms ever handed a child, I consider myself one of the most blessed to have been handed Nicholas Yancy Nischan, my sweet Nick. Oh, please know that I have cried so many times today.


I will share tomorrow about Olivia's learning of Nick's passing.


Tonight as I went up to get my computer, I saw Nick's cell phone lying on the table still hooked to its charger from Thanksgiving Day. I just broke down in my mom's arms. Oh, I love Nick so much. I will miss him more than words can ever say.....EVER SAY. However, I am determined and committed to being the vessel through which Nick's testimony and love for God will touch lives from this day forward. I will share more with you later about how you can be a part of Nick's continuing journey.

Olivia so sweetly said tonight, "I would love it if Nick showed up at his foundation." Then she said, "He probably won't though." It was so precious. She misses him so much. I told her Nick will be everywhere we are. At every game, every concert, everything. Oh, I love you all so much.


I have a lot to learn about prayer and miracles and times when prayers seem to not be answered in the ways we desire.............. I hope and pray that you will walk this chapter of Nick's journey with me as faithfully as you did the first.



With Gratitude for Every Prayer Whispered on Nick's Behalf,

Tammy (and Tim)

Nick was determined to sleep in his bed tonight which meant going up a flight of stairs which he has not attempted in about two weeks. Erich, my oldest son, was such an encourager practically carrying him as they made it up the staircase together. Nick was so out of breath at the top of the stairs, yet he managed to walk to his bed and get into it before giving up.

Where does he get his determination?

Where does his will to conquer the unconquerable come from?

How does he stay so funny in spite of his physical battle?

Nick is handling this journey better than I am right now. He just amazes me. Here I sit, fighting back tears and wanting to scream while he is sleeping oh, so peacefully, in his Titans' bedroom.

Thoughts and emotions are swarming inside of my head. The fear of getting stung by any of these thoughts or feelings keeps me running. It's as if one thought that is frightening flies through my head, and I shoo it away just in time for another to take its place. There is a fine line between holding it together and having a nervous breakdown. A very fine line. I sometimes think I teeter there.

Then I look at the clock and realize that most normal people are asleep by now (no offense if you are still awake), and I justify my wandering mind as a symptom of fatigue.

Sleep doesn't always come easily when you know the sun is coming up to a home that holds a child fighting for his life.

But deep inside I know that God promises rest for the weary. I am reminded of the verses from Psalm 63 that are hanging on my bedroom door,

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

Labels: cancer, clinging, God, peace, rest, sleep, trust

Psalm 62:5-8

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

I don't have time to write a lot, but I did want to ask all of you who stop by to especially lift Nick up to our Heavenly Father today.

He is very weak.

I will write more tonight.

Thankful for each of you who shares life with our family.

God bless you all,

Psalm 77

2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.

4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.

5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;

6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?

8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?

9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."

11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.

13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?

14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.

15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

16 The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.

17 The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.

18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.

19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

As I reflect on this passage, I too feel much like this psalmist who often struggles to have his soul comforted. I am so thankful for great men of old who poured out their hearts so honestly and openly. Because of them, I can face my modern-day sea of mighty waters where God's footprints often cannot be seen.....

knowing that just as God led his "people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron," He is leading me today.

He is leading you too. Whatever you face today, remember that you serve "the God who performs miracles and displays His power among His people!"

Take the hand of Moses or Aaron (or any other wonderful man or woman of faith who makes up our great cloud of witnesses - Hebrews 11) and keep on keeping on!!!

Crossing the mighty sea of faith with you,

These words comfort me as I find myself crying at night as I fall to sleep and then waking up with a feeling of fear and uncertainty as to what each new day will hold.

God is familiar with all of my ways. He hears my cries. He sees my struggle. He feels my pain. He has laid His hand upon me. And before I speak, God knows me completely.

He knows you too.

We are blessed to be called children of the King.

We are hemmed in................behind and before! God was with us yesterday and He is with us tomorrow. He sees the whole quilt...not just the piece we are living out today.

Thankful for a Master who has a beautiful "Master plan."

Trusting Him even in this valley,

From Isaiah to Philippians the message doesn't change. God offers perfect peace to those whose minds are fixed on Him and on those whose trust is in Him and Him alone.

So, I learned today (again!) that God can take our weakest daybreaks and turn them into our strongest sunsets! That's what He did for me today.

I woke up this morning feeling fear, dread, uncertainty, anxiety, and the list goes on and on. After a couple of hours of Bible reading, I decided to lay back down only to find myself having nightmares about Nick's illness until the minute Olivia woke me up! I had allowed the devil to get a foothold before going to sleep, and he took advantage of the situation by sneaking in and messing with my dreams.

You can imagine how horrible I felt when I got up to get ready for Sunday school. Needless to say, I didn't even bother wearing my contacts. I knew tears would be coming from time to time, so I decided to be prepared. However, I was amazed at the strength God gave me to keep pressing on all day long.

I made it to Sunday school. I came home with Nick during church. I took Olivia and three of her friends to see a movie this afternoon. Nick had an enjoyable day of watching football with Tim, Evan, and Todd. The Titans are now 10 and 0!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of my early morning fears seemed to fade away as the day progressed.

Thank you for praying for me! Thank you for praying for Nick!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me a peace that transcends my understanding. Thank you for guarding my heart and my mind.

Faithfully Serving Him,

I woke up in the darkness of the night with Nick sleeping near me, and I was overcome with a feeling that I needed to get up and go to my Bible. I didn't feel totally prepared for Sunday school this morning, so I felt that God was saying, "Now is your chance." I tossed and turned for a bit hoping I would fall back to sleep and that I was just imagining the call from God to "rise and shine" at 4:30 in the morning.

Finally, at 4:54 I knew sleep was not coming so I slipped to the kitchen and got a little glass of orange juice and headed to my Bible.

It is now 6:27 a.m. I have been from Psalms to Hebrews to I Thessalonians to II Corinthians......it has been a great reminder that this world is not our home. We are on a pilgrimage with a destination that will place us at the feet of our Heavenly Father and will surpass any beauty and wonder we ever experience while on this planet. I have enjoyed my quiet time so much.

However, before slipping back to bed for hopefully an hour of rest before the day begins, I decided to check Nick's website and my email. As I clicked to Nick's site and started scrolling through past memories, I found myself overcome with emotion.

As I type, the tears are rolling down my cheeks and dripping onto my pajamas uncontrollably. I just read of two more little girls who have passed away this week from brain tumors, and I look at Nick's pictures from this summer and I realize how different he looks now and how his smile has weakened. My heart feels the struggle between KNOWING how wonderful Heaven will be and NEVER WANTING to see another child of mine go there before me. It has been 16 1/2 years since we lost Adrienne and yet the memory of the pain of the loss is almost more than I can bear. So, my tears this morning are 100% for me...........not for Adrienne or even for Nick, although I ache to see him suffer in any way.

As I was caught up in all of this, I went to my email and the Scripture above was the Scripture for today in KLove's email. I couldn't help but feel that God was once again saying to me....

"Keep depending upon me. Keep searching for me. I will be good to you."

So, as I leave the computer to crawl back into bed, I am overwhelmed with emotions.

Fear. Confusion. Sadness. I cannot lie. I cannot pretend that my heart is not full of all of these emotions.

And yet, under all of these worldly feelings, I still sense.......

Thanksgiving. Joy. Peace. Contentment. Hope.

Thank you for every prayer for me as I strive to depend on God and search for Him.

I long to know Him so much more than I do now.

I still praise Him for the miracle that Nick already is! It has been a month since the MRI that was so devastating. I have to believe and praise God for Nick's ability to still watch movies, read books, and have basically good days. I long to see Nick totally healed,and I will continue praying for this miracle.

Thankful for each of you,

Habakkuk 3

17-19Though the cherry trees don't blossom
and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

A friend of mine stopped by our house the other night and was sharing about a book she had just finished reading. In the book the author discusses John the Baptist’s time in prison when he sent messengers to Jesus saying, “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?”

Jesus tells the messengers to go back and tell John that He is giving sight to the blind, healing the lame, raising the dead, and preaching the good news to the poor. Then he says, “Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.”

As my friend and I talked about this passage and the author’s opinion that John was struggling with doubt as he sat in prison while the one he had proclaimed to the world was out healing the sick and raising the dead….

I had this overwhelming feeling that this unexpected visit with this friend was a message for me directly from God. I did a little research online in some commentaries and wanted to share some thoughts from http://www.biblegateway.com/ on this passage:

God Does Not Always Act As We Expect (11:1-3)

John has already recognized Jesus' identity (3:14); now, in prison, he is undoubtedly discouraged and doubting, like many other men and women of God facing trials that seem greater than their power to endure. Pursued by Jezebel and finding that even the fire at Mount Carmel had not been sufficient to dislodge idolatry from the land, Elijah asked for God to take his life (1 Kings 19:4; compare Mt 17:12-13). Pursued by Saul and frustrated by continual obstacles to God's promises, David nearly committed an act that would have stained the rest of his career, had God not intervened through wise Abigail (1 Sam 25:21-35). Most of his life the only prophet of his generation speaking the truth, torn by the hatred and impending destruction of people he loved, Jeremiah cursed the day of his birth (Jer 20:14-18; compare 15:10). Dismayed by long delays in fulfillment of God's promises to Israel, the inspired psalmist protested his people's humiliation (Ps 89:38-51). All men and women of God are of like passions as we-that reminds us to always trust in God's power rather than our own (Jas 5:16-18).

Matthew recorded John's struggle with doubt, not to condemn John, but to encourage subsequent disciples whose faith would be tested by hardships. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me could be translated "How happy will be the one who does not stumble on my account." In view of its serious use in the Gospel tradition (for example, 5:29-30; Mk 9:42-47; compare especially Mt 21:42-44), the language of "stumbling" here suggests that one's response to Jesus determines one's place at the final judgment (Witherington 1990:43-44)

Wow! Jesus wanted John the Baptist to trust..no matter what. And just as Paul learned to share God’s message even from within a dark, cold prison cell (Philippians, for example), I must do the same with my personal time in a prison of sorts (helping my son fight cancer).

See, it is easy to doubt at times when you see your son unable to do so many things other boys his age are doing.

It is easy to doubt when the highlight of his day might be sitting on the back porch for ten minutes. (Although I'm thankful to see him on the porch!)

It is easy to doubt when Nick's friends have ball games and you know Nick would love to be playing ball. (Yet I would never want these other boys to feel guilty-they should be playing ball!)

It is easy to doubt when other families receive clear MRIs and praise God for miracles.(However, I rejoice with those who receive such news....I remember similar days..they are priceless!!)

It is easy to doubt when kids who are not very nice seem to have everything they want and your son who is so sweet can’t even play his video games anymore…..(Yet I know that many of these kids still need Jesus in their heart, and I am thankful Nick has Him right where He belongs!)

YET, JESUS SAYS, “DO NOT FALL AWAY ON ACCOUNT OF ME!”

He knew there would be times when we faced prison moments while others were embracing life with total freedom. He knew there would be times when we couldn’t see Him clearly because of the darkness surrounding our life.

Thank you, Jesus, for answering John’s doubting question not by condemning him for doubting (after all, John the Baptist had already baptized Jesus and seen the dove come down from Heaven!) but by gently saying, “Do not fall away on account of me.”

Today, I hear Jesus saying to me, ‘Do not fall away on account of me.” Yes, Jesus brings healing, hope, life, joy……..but there are times when those things aren’t as easy to grasp on a personal level……times in our personal prisons. It is in these cold, dark times that our faith is tested and we find our greatest opportunities to offer genuine praise not based on our life’s experiences but based on our dependence on our Savior Jesus Christ.

Habakkuk 3

17-19Though the cherry trees don't blossom
and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

You just never know what's going to happen when you sub!

I wanted to share my latest prayer email with you, because I wanted all of you who read my blog to be "in" on the thoughts I am having about prayer. So, below you will read the email I have sent this morning to Nick's prayer warriors all over the world. Thanks for reading, caring, and praying!





Dear Prayer Warriors,




It seems like weeks since I have written. Mom has been here visiting for the past week, and so I have taken the opportunity to sub when I can. Today I didn't have a sub assignment, so I am enjoying the chance to spend time with Nick and Mom and also update all of you! Tomorrow I am subbing for the high school band director at West (in case you needed a laugh today). I have enjoyed seeing my friends at East the past couple of days! Thank you for your love and hugs! I also had the privilege of speaking at a Church of God here in Grayson on Tuesday evening and I walked away so blessed. The women of the church encircled and prayed out loud in unison over me. I was brought to tears as I heard bits and pieces of each woman's words lifted to God...I specifically remembering hearing the phrase, "you knew Nick before he was born....you knew his parents were just the ones he needed.....You trusted Nick to them..." Wow! Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity to be Nick's mom.


You really lifted my spirits!




Because of Nick's battle, I have become a little more active in several brain tumor groups online. This has been eye-opening especially in the past week. Many children are having recurrences in their tumors right now. I don't know why. I say that only to say that there are families all across the world who need your prayers right now. Also, several families are grieving through the holidays from recent losses, so I ask you to pray for them as well.




Today, my burden is heavy for these kids. And I especially wanted to mention both Nick and Natalie (remember Natalie from the Jericho Walk in August). Her family just learned that her tumor is growing in her brain stem and the only option open to them at this time is an experimental drug. Like us, they need a miracle.I have talked with Natalie's mom via email, and they ask for all of your prayers as do we.





Nick continues to amaze us with his ability to make us laugh. In most ways he is the same old Nick we all know and love. His head definitely shows the difference between him and other children, but we have adjusted to this reality and we are thankful for Nick's favorite hat which you have all seen in pictures. He just keeps it nearby in case people stop by and then simply slides it on as needed. He never complains. He never questions. He truly blows me away!




I have been burdened with one aspect of prayer that has meant so much to me through the years, and I guess my challenge today is for all of you to consider reading the article below and then joining me in prayer combined with fasting. I say this not because I believe that fasting in and of itself will cause God to feel pressure to heal Nick or Natalie or any of these other kids. I say this because I believe that when we take time to fast while praying, our hearts show a commitment to prayer that draws us closer to Him in many ways......and ultimately, my prayer is that Nick and Natalie's lives will have eternal impacts on so many lives!



Seeing your child suffer is very hard, but seeing them suffer for no reason is even harder.




Knowing that through their suffering and ours any of you who read these emails will become a stronger Christian, a more active part of God's Kingdom, less negative, more positive, more full of joy, more content, more thankful, more gentle and kind, and the list goes on and on..........makes my heart smile.




So with that "out there," I am asking you to read through some of this research article on fasting and see if you might consider joining me in Friday Fasts for Nick and Natalie. Maybe all-day fasting doesn't work for you medically. If that is the case, then consider fasting one meal. Whatever you can do, just remember that in place of the time of eating or whenever you have thoughts of hunger simply whisper prayers of healing for our children. Of course, this is a great time to pray for all of your other concerns as well and to thank God for the miracles He gives us every day. Nick and Natalie are both already miracles in many, many ways. So we thank God for their lives! As parents, though, we continue to pray for God's healing hand to touch them in a mighty way. And we know that He is able.





Here is the article: http://www.new-life.net/fasting.htm



Joel 2:11-15


11 The LORD thunders at the head of his army; his forces are beyond number, and mighty are those who obey his command. The day of the LORD is great; it is dreadful. Who can endure it?
Rend Your Heart
12 "Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."
13 Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
14 Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing—grain offerings and drink offerings for the LORD your God.
15 Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly.

Calling All of You to a Sacred Assembly!



I am thankful for all of you!


Have a wonderful day!


Keep Looking Up!

Poor Snoopy.....He just seems a little "out of place" standing near the pumpkins and very-dried out mums! There's just something about this time of year that seems about that awkward. Christmas is in the air but Thanksgiving longs to be celebrated for all its worth!



So, as we began our decorating a little early, I had to laugh when I realized we had plopped Snoopy down so near to our remnants of fall!





















I wanted to share a few photos from our night of decorating, but I just had to share the one of Snoopy first!





I am subbing this week since mom is here to stay with Nick, so my blog posts are a little shorter!

I will write more this weekend!















Wish I could stop by each of your homes for a cup of coffee! I would love to help all of you put up your lights!





Looking forward to Christmas but savoring the season of Thanksgiving for all its worth!


Thankful for all of you!