Reality Check
As I checked my emails tonight, I was floored to receive a very harsh scolding from a lady I have never met who was basically saying that I needed to realize that their are many people whose lives are worse than mine.

The email was very long and very painful to read. My heart feels so ripped apart and yet I am trying to glean from her words something good.....something that will help me grow in my walk with the Lord.

She referred to me as "arrogant" because I had mentioned in my last email prayer journal entry that last night I left in the middle of church because I just couldn't handle trivial conversations.

I didn't leave angry. I left with a friend who is going through a divorce to have a cup of coffee. Her life is tough too, and we both needed some talking time.

But I am aching that ANYONE on this planet would consider me arrogant or as she said "superior" in my suffering. Oh, that hurts.

From this painful email, I am trying to find a lesson.

I know that there are many with much more difficult situations. When I know of them, I pray for them. I know that I am not the first to walk the road I am walking. I feel horrible that I could have portrayed anything less.

I am writing this blog to ask for forgiveness if I have ever caused anyone to feel that I am in any way "arrogant" in my family's suffering.

With humility and love,


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you are dealing with someone else's issues. Your writings are so humble and full of wisdom. It would truly take a warped point of view to feel any different after reading your blog. My husband likes this saying "Hurt people, hurt people." Often those who are filled with pain only know how to dish out pain on others. However, here you are, a women dealing with great suffering, but yet you find strength to give God glory through it all. You need to print out that email, set it on fire, and forget about it!

Anonymous Marilyn said...

You are such a blessing to my friends and I, we share your emails and often discuss your faith and courage.
During Bible School our children sang a song based on Nick's favorite verse. Listening to all those young voices reminding us all to be brave and courageous was heart expanding.
We all thought of Nick and said extra prayers for him the whole week.
May you remember that you are a blessing to many and that many are praying for you and Nick. As we pray for Nick we are blessed because we grow closer to the Lord as He hears our prayers for His child Nick.
Please remember that no one can please everyone, nor should we try. Our goal is to please our Father in heaven not those on earth.

Blogger Cheri said...

Some people are just mean.

I know this is easier said than done but, just don't think about it anymore. You can't please everyone all the time and God knows your heart! :)

Try saying a prayer for the woman...that God would heal her heart. Maybe that will help.

Blogger Laura said...

I'm not really sure how I ended up on your blog tonight, but by no means do I see an arrogant person here. Your trials are yours, and the pain you've experienced is've just chosen to share it with others and no one has the right to say anything about YOUR experiences.

I pray your heart heals from the wounds inflicted by this person, and that you will continue to write YOUR thoughts and experiences. I know how healing it can be to write, and how hard it can be to hear someone say something negative about what you write, or, in this case, attack you, but keep writing. I just stopped by and I'm already blessed!

Blogger Bonnelle Pagel said...

Sweet Tammy I am SOOOOOO very sorry and please, please, please do not stop sending these updates to me! I SO appreciate being able to come each morning to my email and find an email from you because it helps me stay in touch with you and it also helps me to know how to pray that day for you. Not all of us felt the way this woman did and I can only pray that you will hear me when I say, "there is no condemnation for those (you) who are in Christ Jesus"! You are not condemned by my or by our Lord.

I love you Tammy and hope to always hear more of what's on your heart. I'm so sorry that you were hurt in this way.


Blogger joannivy said...

Tammy, My dear sister. Please don't let this one woman stop you from sharing with us. I was telling my sister about the Jericho march and telling her how strong and faithful you are. Let's forgive this woman her anger and go on. I ache for Nick and your family but I find such grace in your faith. Sharing with us by blogging lets you get out things you may not be able to voice face to face and that's good. Just keep praying and trusting God, and know that we are with you as friends and sisters.
Jo Ann Ivy

Blogger Jennifer said...

Dear Tammy,

For ever one person you may have offended or who may have simply misunderstood you, please remember there are hundreds who are blessed by your humility, your faithfulness to our Heavenly father, and your willingness to share your heart so openly. If Christ was misunderstood, and even ridiculed, surely we can expect no less. Do not be discouraged - God is using you. You are a blessing.

Please know you..and Nick..and your entire family are covered in prayer (do you suppose the devil just hates that?!?!) Have a peace-filled day!

Love, Jennifer

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I started reading your blogs after a friend at work was talking about how inspirational that they are, and they are! I have cried and laughed as I have read them over the past couple of weeks and they have inspired me so very much! The blog that the email was referring to was no different, it really touched me, I have in no way been through what your family has and there have been times when I have felt very angry. These times really got me down because I would think, "I should not be feeling this way!" Hearing you share your feelings even when they are angry, mad or sad is very inspirational and you should just continue to follow your heart as you write because if you are touching just one person it will be worth it. You are such a strong Christian and I hope that one day I can be as strong of a Christian and person as you are!


Everyone else here has commented many of the thoughts I've had in reading your blog today. And I agree 100% with them.

Forgive this woman (I know, not ez) and move on.

You have no need to ask for forgiveness from anyone for your blog posts.

I have felt honored to be able to pray for you and Nick and feature you on our Prayer List on our Blog Post...DAY of PRAYER.

Rest in the Saviour's Arms...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Precious Tammy, my heart was grieved this morning for you as I read your blog. I cannot imagine the callousness of some people. You have never shown an arrogant or superior attitude in your writings. No apology is needed for your words. Your Christ like spirit shines through even in the middle of your sufferings. If life ever deals to me the blow it has dealt to you and your family, I can only hope I respond with the attitude I can see in you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. You exemplify Christ and the virtues of being a Christian. The world certainly needs more people like you. Please forget those unkind words as they hold NO TRUTH at all.

Blogger Luanne said...

We just can't compare our sufferings--and I don't think Jesus asks us to. Knowing that others have struggled mightily concerning big issues, does not change your suffering one bit. Many, including myself, are very thankful for your honesty and openness during this very difficult time in your life. God is glorified because, through your struggles, you share the ways that God has sustained you. If we didn't have doubts, struggles, etc. how could we know and share that God is our rock and our hiding place. The Psalms are filled with honest people and their emotions. Hang on to the relationship you have with Jesus, and do not be swayed by other's opinions. God bless--I don't know you personally, but love you just the same.

Blogger Susan said...

Dearest Tammy,

I'm so sorry I can not reach out and give you a GREAT BIG hug after reading this post.

Your response to this "uncalled for and ugly" rebuke was so CHRIST-LIKE."

It has only caused me to love you more, and PRAY HARDER for you and your family!

Your testimony is only giving God more glory in all you are walking through.

Hey, I like the idea of the Jericho March for Nick and Natalie!!

Keep holding on my precious friendā™„

Blogger Sheryl said...

Are you kidding me? Don't give that email another thought! You have never been anything but humble. You take time to visit me and encourage me even in the midst of all you are going through. Tammy you are a blessing and nothing less. Absolutely no need for you to be asking forgiveness.

I am not saying that the woman is a tool of satan but he can use it to get to you and discourage you. Can't say it's easy to do, but you've got to put aside those hurtful words. You are SO loved!!


Blogger Paula (SweetPea) said...

I am so sorry that someone could utter such words to you of all people. You are not arrogant but rather very humble. In the midst of such terrible, terrible pain you show such faith and truth.

Ignore the ignorance of others. Maybe the person is suffering her own trial. I do know that in the midst of our "own" trial "our" trial does seem the biggest to us. So, whatever her trial is since she is in the midst of it, maybe she sees it larger than yours.

I must confess I've done this before. I read of someone's trial and I wish I could trade it for mine (divorce but believing for restoration). Even though in reality the other person's trial is much more serious/harder than mine, it seems to be a means of escape...maybe a unrealistic idea of the grass being greener on the other side...or rather the pain being lesser on the other side.

There have been times that I've said I'd trade my life with a woman who has cancer yet has her husband. Now that is crazy, that seems very crazy but it comes from my deep pain and desire of longing to have my husband and marriage back. I do suffer from envy of other's marriages.

I PRAY, Tammy, that my words have brought you encouragement. That person had no right to call you arrogant. That is SO far from your description/actions. However, something that I heard in a sermon several times is this: hurting people hurt people. I would guess that woman is going through her own "hell" of pain. That's NO excuse though.

I LOVE how in the midst of an extremely painful email you still try so hard and determined to find a lesson in it. I don't know that I could do that right pain would have to alleviate over theh email before such reflection.

Another point to show you are a very humble person.


Blogger Cyndie said...

I am just catching up on blogs and read your post asking for forgiveness.

I am floored - and yet, in many ways, I am not surprised at all.

Clearly the woman who wrote to you is struggling herself with something. You have never been anything but gracious, loving and absolutely encouraging in your thoughts and posts. Please remember that Satan uses all kinds of avenues to try to attack us.

When we were adopting Elle, we received an email from a lady who told us that we were horrible people for adopting a child when we didn't have an excess of financial means at our disposal. She told us that our biological children are doomed and that they clearly are "pathetic". It ripped my heart out. I cried a ton - and then I realized what it was.

It was Satan. Somehow, realizing that Satan was on overdrive to attack me, made me realize that I must be doing something right in God's eyes.

I didn't even respond to the woman (it wasn't worth a response). I simply blocked her email address from my system and moved on with my life.

Clearly, now as I hold my precious daughter,(whom the Lord provided every dime to bring home) I realize it was just a hump in the road and I pray that these people will one day also know the Heavenly Father that I love and serve.

You are so very loved and you are an amazing witness and a Godly, transparent woman. I am blessed to have you in my life.

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