I spent $1 about 4 years ago and bought a little notebook to carry in my purse.  I thought that writing a verse in it every once in a while would help me as we were sitting in so many different doctor's offices, waiting rooms, and hospitals with Nick.

Through the years, I've added verse after verse after verse until the notebook became completely full. The cover has been torn off somewhere along the way.........

And the pages are beginning to fall out. But this little notebook has carried God's Word with me in a very personal way for so long that tonight when I couldn't find it, I thought that I would cry.  I wish I could somehow share the joy that overcame me when I felt the pocket of the bag I carried this past weekend and realized that I had never unzipped it to take this little notebook out!!!!  Oh, how I cling to these passages!

I have special plans for this notebook!

Plans that I hope will bless all of you one day.

Each verse in this book has given me strength not only as our family faced cancer with Nick but also now that we walk the road of grief.  I am working on a book that takes each of these verses and shows how it can help you too.  Please pray for me as I try desperately to find time to pour out how God has used His Word to strengthen me and give me Hope.

I want you to have that same strength and Hope.

Forever Thankful for His Word,

Is it possible to be "wordless" but still have something to say?

I sat here this morning staring at the screen, half awake, thinking of all of you who stop by this blog from time to time.

I found my mind wandering between so many different thoughts and yet not really settling in on "one thing" that seemed especially significant today.

And then I realized that the significance of every day should be the same, the significance of every thought should be the same.

JESUS LOVES ALL OF US AND DIED AND ROSE AGAIN SO THAT WE COULD LIVE A LIFE OF HOPE AND PEACE.

Truthfully, in the midst of all that our family has on our calendar THIS truth is what keeps us pressing on!

So, this morning I didn't have words.

But God reminded me of HIS LIVING WORD.......the reason I ever started blogging.

So that I could share my heart and HIS WORDS.........when my words get in the way, it's time to STOP AND REGROUP!

I felt this morning as I sat here feeling wordless that God was gently saying, "Tammy, my children are never wordless.....because I have given them My Son who is THE WORD."

JOHN 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men.

Thankful this morning for God's Word, His Son, Jesus Christ,

This is our house yesterday morning at 7 a.m.!!

Erich and Mallory came through for a few hours on their way back to Nashville after their honeymoon!!  Hugo was so glad to see them!!

Todd and Olivia were heading off to school!

Evan was home from college to do a day of his internship with my friend, Kristy, who is a physical therapist in our town.

It was wonderful to have all of them here together even if we only had about 20 minutes.  Such a sweet reminder of how WONDERFUL Heaven will be!! No more goodbye, see you laters, or wish we had longer.....

Heading off to school this morning for FCA!

Until tonight, I love you all!

A Judgmental, Critical, and

Suspicious Mind

I'd like to say that this type of "mind trouble" has never been part of my life, but sadly, I have to admit that it has.  I believe I have made some progress through the years in this area, but there are still times when my first thoughts in certain situations on not positive ones.

Matthew 7:1 is very clear.  "Judge not so that you will not be judged."  I don't know about you, but if God is giving me any sort of "control" over how strictly I will be held accountable for my actions, then I want to do what I can to keep that level of judgment as low as possible.  In other words, I need to focus on my own sins and allow God to deal with other people's shortcomings.

It's so easy to see this scenario played out in children and even call them out as "not minding their own business" or "worrying about someone else's problems," but in the adult world we seem to lose sight of this philosophy many times and justify our spirits of so-called "holiness."  

What if every one just concentrated on making themselves a better person? 

How different would the world look?

How different would the church look?

I've often said that when I get to Heaven, I think that if for some reason I see someone there and I act shocked as if I am thinking, "How did "THEY" get here?" then a trap door will open and I WILL BE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, there is no room for judging, criticizing, or being suspicious in God's eyes.......

In Romans 2:1 God says that there is no excuse or defense for those who judge and condemn others....that's a pretty serious statement!!

I am going to try my best to follow the words of Psalm 16:23-24,

The mind of the wise instructs his

mouth, and adds learning and

persuasiveness to his lips. 

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb,

sweet to the mind and healing to the

body.

It is good for me to remember that in the end the only one standing before God with me to give an account of my life will be me?  If I truly believe that, then I don't need to worry about other people's behaviors, because God has everything under control.

He is the ULTIMATE JUDGE.

He is the PRINCE of PEACE.

When I try to play His part in the story (the judge), I lose what He longs to give me (peace).

Praying that today you will have many peace-filled moments!

Oh, Erich and Mallory stopped to sleep for a bit...they should be here in the next 40 minutes!!

Yippee!!

Love,

Erich and Mallory have been in Italy for a week on their honeymoon and are on their way to our house tonight to pick up their puppy Hugo!! 

They are planning to arrive here about 4 a.m., wake us up so we can watch them open their wedding gifts, and then go to sleep until noonish so that they can drive back to Nashville tomorrow afternoon.  Erich has to be back at work on Wednesday, and I'm pretty sure he is A LOT of 12-hour shifts ahead of him (in a row) to make up for missed days and to pay for their fun trip!! :)

I can't wait to hug them!!!  It was so good to hear their voices on the phone tonight!  They sounded so happy!

I'll add pictures from their trip soon!

Much love,

It's been a LONG time since I sat down and actually watched a tv show with Tim and the kids.

Amazing Race use to be a family favorite with Nick, and it felt good tonight to sit down and enjoy some family time doing something "normal."

As the show ended, another show began that I had forgotten even existed.  It is called "Undercover Boss." In this show, presidents and CEOs of companies go undercover as employees so that they can see how their businesses are being ran from "the inside out" without being recognized as "the boss."

By the end of the show, the boss learns two things.

First, they discover employees who are invaluable and who need to be promoted.

Second, they find weaknesses in their business that need improvement.

Tonight, as I watched the CEO being brought to tears time and time again as he worked side by side with his employees who had tough life stories and yet great work ethics, it made me think about how I would be perceived by an undercover boss.

It also made me think about the reality that God does not have to go "undercover" to observe my work ethic or my attitude.

I am in tears tonight after watching employee after employee be praised and rewarded for their tireless work and great attitude in spite of many tough life situations.

I am humbled as I think of how whiny I can be at times about working full-time this year.

I want to do everything I do as "unto the Lord."

He is my not-so-undercover boss.

When I stand before Him one day, I want to hear the words,

"Well done, good and faithful servant."

I'm not at the beach. :)

But I'm also not at school this afternoon.

I decided that taking a half day off to be at home and get mentally and spiritually prepared for the retreat this weekend was exactly what I needed!

I'm sitting on my back porch listening to Nick's wind chimes play beautifully in the breeze while surrounded by books, notebooks, and my Bible.......

This is my favorite place to be and my favorite thing to do.  Erich and Mallory's dog Hugo (we are dog sitting while they are on their honeymoon) is so happy I am home!  He is enjoying some fun time in the back yard!!!

I have not forgotten our Battlefield of the Mind study, I promise.  I will post the next chapter very soon. 

I love you all and want to say THANK YOU for sharing life with me when I am everything from sad to happy, stressed to relaxed, down or up....

So thankful for a Father who accepts all of my emotions too.

I'm not sure if it was Erich and Mallory's wedding four hours away or Evan being hospitalized for almost a week recently or teaching full-time in a brand new job or trying to get ready for two weekend women's retreats or remembering that I still have a family who needs to eat and a house that needs to be cleaned or a combination of all of the above that has sent me to this level of tired, but I am sure that somewhere along the way I came to the realization that .......

I need a few days to sit on a beach with a good book and NO PHONE SERVICE!

The smell of the salty air and the sound of the waves rhythmically hitting the coastline make my heart beat just a little more calmly.

The thought of pushing my toes down into the sand and leaning my head back so that the rays of the sun warm me from top to bottom brings a peace that I just don't experience while zipping in and out of my driveway all afternoon after work for trips to the store, basketball practices, basketball games, church events, and every other outing that involves a car.

I'm reminded tonight, though, of Joyce Meyer's words, "Where the mind goes, the man follows," so I'm going to allow my mind to slip away to the beach for tonight.

Imagining all the emotions I would feel if I were sitting in a lawn chair just feet from the ocean's shore is as close as I can get.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......I hear something sweet.

Is that the ocean that I hear or something even better?????

Psalm 93:3-5

 The seas have lifted up, O LORD,
       the seas have lifted up their voice;
       the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.

Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
       mightier than the breakers of the sea-
       the LORD on high is mighty.

Your statutes stand firm;
       holiness adorns your house
       for endless days, O LORD.

I feel better already.

Soaking up His Holiness,

   Tim and I couldn't be more thankful!

Everything about Erich and Mallory's wedding and about their love for each other made this weekend one that we will cherish for the rest of our lives.

Erich and Mallory both wrote their own vows...wow..

They were so special.

After a wonderful worship service in the ceremony, Erich and Mallory slipped to the side and took communion for the first time as a married couple.

This is just one of many "before the wedding silly photos" that we took. :)

I think Mallory was just a little happy to be walking to the reception!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so thankful to have another daughter.

Last night at church, our youth minister talked about "blind spots" and how our eyes affect the condition of our heart.

As I talked with my small group after the lesson (a group of high school sophomore girls), we looked at some different verses that talk about our eyes and where they should be focused.

This morning I opened my computer to find that this was KLove's verse for today:

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand.
~ Colossians 3:1

We didn't look at this passage last night, and I wish we would have!  I hope I remember to share it with them next week!

For today, as you venture through all of your day's many activities and appointments, I will be praying that you can "set your sights on the realities of Heaven!"

I love that phrase, don't you?

I am teaching today and getting things ready for my sub, and tonight will be filled with packing and making sure I have remembered everything for the wedding!

We are pulling out early in the morning and heading to Virginia, so I will be away from the Internet until Sunday.

Thank you for praying for Erich and Mallory as they start a new chapter in their lives.

I love you all so much, and of all the things I do in the morning to get ready for another day of school, spending time with God and with you is definitely my favorite part!!

I am so thankful for each of you.

Take a minute to examine your eyes and ask yourself this question:

"Are my sights set on the realities of Heaven?"

I hope your answer is "YES!!"

Until Sunday,

As my students were trying to match math terms with their correct definitions, they were often stumped thinking that there was no answer to the definition they were holding.

Once we talked through the question, though, and they did some more searching, you could see the excitement on their faces as they suddenly discovered a card on the table that "FIT" what they were looking for!

Don't you love those moments in life when everything falls together and makes sense???  I sure do.

However, on this planet the reality is that many times we will be left with hanging questions that more than likely won't be answered this side of Heaven.

That's where faith comes in!

I love Hebrews 11.  I love realizing that every single person who was commended for their faith did NOT receive what they were promised until they reached Heaven.  After praising Abraham, Moses, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Rahab, and many others, listen to what the Bible says in Hebrews 11:39 - 40.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

WOW! 

It strengthens me to know that even in the amazing lives of these men and women, "God had planned something better."

Today, as I got up at 5 a.m. so I could leave for school a littler earlier to work on lesson plans for next week, because our school is being observed by another county on Monday - the day immediately following the weekend of Erich's wedding (AAAA!!!!!!!), I felt a little overwhelmed.

But as I went through my morning and whispered some verses that I have clung to for so very long, I realized this:

God has planned something better........

Maybe not today.

Maybe not next week.

Maybe not even in my life time.

But He has planned something better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the thought that Abraham and Moses' faith becomes perfect when it comes together with ours.

I am praying now that no matter what your day holds you will remember that

God has planned something better!!!!!!!!!!!

He is the Master of "putting it all together!"

No more hanging questions.

No more "whys."

God will make all things clear and perfect!

Someday.

Until then, I pray your faith can keep you pressing on!

I love you all,

   Only 5 more days until we leave for Erich and Mallory's wedding!!

Signs of the wedding can be seen in many rooms of our house!!

We are so excited!

Thank you for praying for Erich and Mallory as they start this new life together.

I wanted to share, too, that Evan was able to come home from the hospital Friday evening.  He's had to be pretty much in a recliner all weekend with his feet wrapped in gauze, but he's going to try to drive to Morehead today and go to class.  Please pray that it's not too much for him.  He's going to come back home this evening.

I also wanted to let you know that Olivia's tests all came back normal, so we're trying still trying to figure out her back pain.  Seventh grade is difficult in the best of circumstances so please say a little prayer for her too.  I'm so thankful for all of her friends!!  What's life without great friends?!?!?

I also wanted to say a big THANK YOU to Trish, one of my friends from Sunday School, who came down and helped me transform my porch for the fall season....I haven't decorated for fall in three years, so it felt good to embrace a season that I use to love so much.  Since Nick became terribly sick in the early fall of 2008, I just haven't had the desire to celebrate the changing of leaves......

I am thankful that I am finally getting to a point where I can look past summer and see the beauty of fall.  It is still so hard for me......

But even more than being able to see the beauty of fall, I am beginning to embrace  the REALITY that spring and the resurfacing of life that follows winter is a mirror image to the eternal life we are promised after our earthly death.

God's wisdom in creating the changing seasons simply boggles my mind.  We have such a literal way of understanding life's seasons by simply looking out our window and embracing the changes in nature.

Eccl. 3:1

There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven..

Daniel 2:20-22

 
       "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
       wisdom and power are his.

He changes times and seasons;
       he sets up kings and deposes them.
       He gives wisdom to the wise
       and knowledge to the discerning.

He reveals deep and hidden things;
       he knows what lies in darkness,
       and light dwells with him.

Happy Fall!

Tonight I decided to count my blessings instead of think about why I am so tired......

Sweet students who met Evan a few weeks ago when he volunteered in my room for a few days and  asked if they could send messages to him in the hospital!  Evan loved looking at all the pictures!

Precious!

Seeing Evan's smile when Maria walked in his room....

Being a part of our junior and senior high kick-off last night and watching the kids worship!

  Hugging Evan after school today........

Being handed this book as a gift from my sub today when she came to my room..I love you Mrs. Elliott!  Thank you....I'm reading it now! Taking Olivia to see Evan before her doctor's appointment (Evan wasn't totally awake for this picture)......

Listening to Olivia talk about writing a Bible verse on the dry erase board of her locker today at school and how she wants to have a verse on her locker every week.....and carry her Bible to school every day.....

This is her passage for this week.

James 1:22-25

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does.

Thank you, Richie, for preaching on this last night at youth group! 

It transformed her! 

Purchasing this little head massager for $3.99 earlier in the week before I really needed something to relieve stress....and enjoying it now. 

You should buy one if you can...it really works!

Knowing tomorrow is Friday........

Realizing how much I love all of you........

Falling asleep counting my blessings instead of sheep,

Have you ever tried to help someone with a task and then realized that there are so many tasks that have to be grasped BEFORE you can make any progress.......

That's where I am finding myself this afternoon with my students.

Struggling to determine where to begin on many topics.

You can't find a greatest common factor if you don't know what a factor is.

You can't add fractions with unlike denominators if you're not sure how to make the denominators match.

In a classroom, there are so many different needs. Teachers face this feeling every day all over the world.

And yet the bigger question looming in my mind is,

"DO THESE KIDS KNOW JESUS?"

So, I find myself with my head leaning back against a soft recliner trying to decide how to break down this feeling of being overwhelmed.....yes, overwhelmed just 12 hours after writing about leaning on God........

Oh, Paul, I understand your words when you say "the very things you don't want to do you find yourself doing." Being human makes being like Christ so difficult........(Romans 7)

So I lean back and close my eyes and know that right this minute in the few moments of breathing space that I have before Olivia's big basketball game (which by the way is against the school where I teach) I cannot answer any of my questions.

I can't teach my students everything they don't understand. There are still so many things that I don't understand at the age of 45. But I can teach them something.

So I just have to decide what that something is going to be......

And I can't come right out in a public school setting and say, "Do you know Jesus?" But I can show them love and pray that through my love they will see Jesus.

Oh, what a day it will be when God reveals Himself and all our questions are answered!!!!!!!!!!!!! When our faith becomes sight and we see Him face to face (no more poor reflections in a mirror - I Cor. 13)......

So where do I start?

The answer is always the same.

With Him.

With Him.

With Him.

All core content aside.

All standards removed.

All combined curriculum documents placed temporarily on a shelf.

All rubrics and assessments tucked away.

I have to go to Him.

To breathe.

To cope.

To make sense of things that often don't make sense.

To cry.

To talk.

To rest.

Oh, thank you, God, for always being there.......waiting for me to "begin" with you.

I feel better now.

I never dreamed when I started this study of the Battlefield of the Mind early in the summer that I would still be sharing about it in September, but as I looked ahead tonight in the book, I realized that I will still be sharing about it in November and maybe December!!!!!!!!!!!  There are a lot of little chapters in this great book!

This week's chapter really hit home with me.  Joyce shares many different verses about NOT allowing our mind to be consumed with worry and anxiety and explains very clearly that if we are truly abiding in Christ that we will have peace even in the midst of the most non - peaceful situations.

She shares about a time when two artists were asked to paint a picture that represented the word "peace."  One painted a "quiet, still lake far back in the mountains."  The other painted a "raging, rushing waterfall which had a birch tree leaning over it with a bird resting in a nest on one of the branches."  She goes on to explain that the second painting truly depicts peace because in the picture there is some form of opposition.  The still lake actually represents stagnation......or lifelessness.

We often long for a "still lake" kind-of life and yet God often calls us to a "raging, rushing waterfall life" where He longs to hold us safely above the current......resting in His hands. 

For me, this year is proving to be another year full of "raging, rushing waterfall life moments."  Sometimes, I am able to lean back in the "nest" and trust God......other times I find myself hanging on for dear life, looking down at the rapids below me in total fear.

I love the verse Joyce shares from II Chronicles when Jehosophat is faced with the reality that several countries are preparing to attack him and his people.  He calls upon God instead of panicking, and he admits that he and his people are powerless.  Then he says these humble words in verse 12,

"We do not know what to do,

but our eyes are upon you."

I love this statement!!! I love that a powerful king wasn't afraid to admit that he was powerless and honestly at a loss as to how handle an imminent war.

I also love God's response in verses 15-17,

"Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel.  You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "

WOW!

These verses remind me so much of Nick's favorite verse (Joshua 1:9).  Do not be afraid.  Do not be discouraged. 

Why should we not be afraid or discouraged?

Because God is with us!

The battle is not ours but His.

So, tonight, as I think about the battle for my mind, I want to claim the verses above.......

I want to humble myself and admit to God that without Him I am powerless. 

I want to be honest and tell Him that I truly don't know what to do without His help.

And then I want to believe that just as God was with Jehosophat and his people - He is also with me and with you........wherever we go!

I'm praying tonight that you will grasp just how much God loves you and just how desperately He longs to be your problem solver.  Lay everything out before Him, and then lean back in your nest and trust Him to keep you safe in spite of the raging, rushing waterfall below.

When you are able to do that, you have discovered true peace.

Much love,

As I've sat here tonight and struggled with the right words, the right image, the right anything, I've had nudges from God to whisper prayers for this person or that person, I've had nudges to return to Facebook and send messages to check in on friends that I miss...........

And still the words won't come.

No, tonight is not a night for lots of words from me to you.

Tonight is a night for lots of words from me to God.

Ephesians 6:17-19

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Two Saturdays ago we had the honor of participating in the Junior Football League (JFL) dedication of their football field in memory of Nick.  I had no idea they were going to display these banners which will hang at every home game!! A special rock is being made that will hold Nick's picture, a little about his life, and JOSHUA 1:9 (Nick's favorite verse). 

Todd and Evan both got to be with us for this special day, and I was so happy!!  Tim and I are holding a picture of Nick wearing the same jersey that I had on for the day. 

Nick loved football so much! Some of my friends (and mom!) as we wait for the ceremony to begin.

A bunch of Nick's buddies.    These guys all played football with Nick in elementary school.  I love them all so much.

Some of the Kentucky Christian University players (and Tim's students) came to support us on this special day!  I love these guys too!  I'm so thankful that mom and dad could be there with us for such a special day! More friend pictures. :) One of the little teams posing after the parade and before the bounce house fun began!

Tim  hugging Derek, one of Nick's best friends and me hugging Evan, another buddy of Nick's.

I snuck a kiss on Jon's cheek during the ceremony...he was one of Nick's lifelong buds (since birth!).    They had such a special service after the parade where they shared about Nick's fight with cancer and then played Casting Crowns' song Lifesong in his memory.  Here it is if you would like to hear it.  Just push pause on my blog music to the right before listening. :) 

The speaker said this song represented Nick's life story. Thank you, Lowel and Angel for such a special day! 

I was proud and thankful to be Nick's mom all over again.

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified.  Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

JOSHUA 1:9

Oh, how I miss this sweet face.  Heaven holds a big part of my heart!