Right now it's hard to imagine that I've ever actually paid money to be strapped in a seat that takes me swirling, climbing, plummeting, and spinning for about three minutes after standing in line for several hours.

My life seems to have enough emotional ups and downs to make these roller coaster rides seem kind-of boring!  And I'm not paying money or standing in line for the experience. 

This afternoon I've been sitting under a blanket trying to help Olivia recover from what she calls "the worst day of school ever."

From a hurting ankle

to a stomach ache

to sitting in an assembly where the people around her were saying really bad words and she couldn't move to another seat or sit with friends because of assigned seats

to realizing she made the wrong choice for activity time and ended up in a room with no one she knew, a sub who didn't have the activity supplies, and a window where she could see her friends playing kickball and whiffle ball out the window

Olivia just had a "bad luck" day as she calls it.

I look at her face and I remember how frustrated I was last night when I sensed in her a spirit of pride and even a little "meanness" towards some of her friends, and my heart breaks realizing that life is just full of these teachable moments where one day we are hurting someone and the next day life is hurting us.

So, all I can do is pray.

Pray that Olivia remembers how it felt to be "alone" and always work to include those around her.

Pray that Olivia remembers how it felt to hear "bad words" and never be the one saying them.

Pray that Olivia learns that life isn't always about her happiness....

Today, I'm realizing more and more that if we never had the down parts of our roller coaster of life we wouldn't appreciate the up parts.

Father, thank you for the valleys even though they are not easy.  Help us embrace them so that we can savor the mountaintops.  Your plans are perfect.

In the name of Him who walked the deepest valley so that we wouldn't have to, Amen

I'm leaving in about an hour to go meet with a friend who is a going to help us design Nick's tombstone.

  I guess we've been putting it off because we knew how painful it would be to dig back into the past and realize once again in such a very real way just how much life has changed since Nick went Home.

It's amazing to me how many memories we made with Nick.

How many smiles he gave to us and to so many others.

   Tim and I both spent hours yesterday clicking through pictures on our computers and digging through Nick's memory box.  We haven't really talked about how we feel.  It's just too painful.  I cry alone.  And I know he does too.  It's almost as if we both know that sharing each other's hurt just isn't possible right now. 

Goodness.  Grief doesn't seem to get easier sometimes.  I feel as if I walk three steps forward and then fall four steps backward. 

Just pray for us today.  Please.

I'll share about the retreat soon.  The ladies who pulled it together did such a wonderful job.  I was blessed to be there.

But for today, I have to do something I have put off for months.

Somehow create a beautiful reminder of the life Nick lived so courageously.

My only desire is for people who walk through the cemetery and stop at Nick's grave to see a boy who lived life with joy because he knew there was more to this world than this world.

Thank you for every prayer. 

^{PROVERBS 3}

³ Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

⁴ Then you will win favor and a good name

 
       in the sight of God and man.

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart

 
       and lean not on your own understanding;

⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,

       and he will make your paths straight.

Be still and know that I am God

Ps. 46:10

Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Mt. 11:28

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure for He shields them all day long.

Deut. 33:12

Resting on His Promises,

I'm working feverishly and down-to-the-wire on a retreat for this weekend where I will be talking about the fact that HE CHOSE ME (or as I'd like to say) HE CHOSE US or HE CHOSE YOU...

The underlying theme is the bride of Christ which has had me wrestling greatly.  I think because I have seen time and time again how terribly rocky marriage can be and how disappointing it can be as well....for so many.....and for me at times....so I never wanted my talks at the retreat to be centered around marriage.

Anyway, I've been subbing during the day this week and trying my best to teach about quotation marks, and italicizing the appropriate words in sentences, and all sorts of language arts things while at the same time being consumed emotionally with Scriptures about God's faithfulness and our need for His constant love and adoration.

Then in the afternoons I've been running the carpool service back and forth to the middle school for practices and then coming back to the middle school to stay for the evening games....

which has been an opportunity to listen to some good KLove music as well as "think" a bit.

But now I'm down to the TRUE LAST WIRE!

I'm right up against the ticking clock, and I feel like God is pushing me in a different direction all of the sudden with some of my message and I am so deeply in thought and prayer that I need to ask for your prayers as well.

I also would be THRILLED with any insight you have on the Bride of Christ or the fact that HE CHOSE ME or HE CHOSE US or HE CHOSE YOU!!!!

I'm truly open!

And truly thankful for anyone who posts anything.

So thankful that if you post, I will place your name in a drawing for a book that I was honored to be a contributing writer in recently called "HUGS BIBLE REFLECTIONS FOR WOMEN."  In the book, I shared a story from Nick's hospital experience about how God was there for us at a moment when we needed him desperately!!  And how prayer got us through a very long and emotional night.

Thanks for sharing any comments, thoughts, Scriptures!

I know that this weekend is God's!  The devil has done everything he can think of to distract me.  But he will not win!

1 Peter 2:9

⁹But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.

May your day be filled with the reality that you are chosen, royal, holy, and belonging to God.

Then you can life a live that declares the "praises of Him who called out of darkenss into His wonderful light!"

Remember that the devil is here to rob, kill, and destroy.....

So as you live today, "take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ."

The devil would love to whisper in your ear that you are not chosen, not royal, not holy, and not belonging to God. He will do whatever it takes to keep you from declaring praises to God.

I am praying for you as I head out to substitute teach!

May your day be filled with Him!

Love,

I've been encircled all afternoon with a variety of books, my Bible, several notebooks, old prayer journals, and an ink pen.

I'm always amazed at how God can pull together so many different thoughts and Scriptures when I am still and listen.

But, the closer I get to God the more I realize how far I have to go to be totally His.

And the more I learn about prayer the more I realize that it's all about my heart being in tune with God.

I want to have a heart that seeks Him constantly, consistently, fervently.

I hope you long for that too.

I promise that God longs to talk to you.

I'm praying that you have a week of listening for Him.

JOHN 6:44-45

"No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.  It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God.'  Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from Him comes to Me.

Do you ever turn around and realize that there are so many people hurting, sad, confused, and lonely, and find yourself feeling overwhelmed?

That's how I feel today.

Overwhelmed with the trials of this life.

And even more overwhelmed with God's ability to handle them all.

My week is packed from sun up til sun down with subbing, basketball games, college activities, youth group lessons, soccer games, and a retreat this weekend where I will be speaking three times.

Unfortunately, I feel a little stressed.  And at the same time, fully aware of God's presence and desire to be just what I need Him to be.

So as I came here today thinking of myself, I was gently reminded when I saw these praying hands, that I have so many to be praying for other than myself...a family whose son has been given a few months to live, so many friends who are grieving, friends who are dealing with difficult marriage situations, friends who are facing the loss of jobs, friends whose children are making choices that go against God's Word..

I come to you all on this Sunday afternoon in September asking you to take some time to lift up those you love to the Lord.

He alone has the power to be just what they need for today.

United with you through prayer,

Wouldn't it be great if it were this easy!

I mean,if God would just post this sign in front of our house when we were going through times of testing, wouldn't it make life a little easier to have this visual confirmation from Him.

That this is just a test.

How do we keep ourselves reminded that everything we face, every difficulty, every tough time, is in the end simply a test?

James 1:11

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Lord, Help me carry this sign around in my heart as a reminder that when I have stood the test I will receive the crown of life that You have promised to those who love You.

I was subbing the other day and, while sitting at the teacher's desk, saw this note in front of me!

At first, I thought, "How did Tim get into this classroom ahead of me to do this?"

Then I remembered that this teacher's husband's name is Tim too!!!

It made me smile twice!

Once, because I felt like God was allowing "my Tim" to send me a note without even knowing it.

Twice, because I knew there was a husband who had taken the time to make his wife's desk a little brighter!

If we could all just remember how easy it is to make someone smile and feel loved!!

I guess it just made me want to challenge myself and all of you to share a post-it note message with someone you care about this week!

Andrew Costilow, a student at Kentucky Christian University where my husband teaches, recently ordered new wristbands to wear during the KCU soccer games!

He stopped by the gym last night to show me!

I just love them!

Thank you, Andrew, for making me smile!

Nick loved athletes, and I know he'd love you so much! 

So thankful that Nick is still impacting others in such special ways!

Oh, if anyone wants to meet Andrew you can find him on Facebook!! :)  He's an amazing guy!!

(Don't forget to pause my blog music before listening to this video.)

Have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

I was subbing yesterday when the guidance counselor came in to teach her weekly lesson.  It was a chance for me to slip out and have a little break but truthfully, I had been in a room with a student teacher so my day  had been fairly "easy."  So I decided to stay and listen to what she had to say.

The lesson was all about being a good listener.

I found myself opening my notebook and taking notes!  Just the soothing sound of the counselor's voice had drawn me into the lesson.

First, she said that students who are successful are good listeners.  They are the students who make good grades.

Then she said to be a good listener it is important to look at the speaker.  Keep your eyes on the person who is speaking.

Thirdly, she told them that you cannot be a good listener if you are busy doing something else while the speaker is talking.  You also cannot be talking while you are listening.

She explained to the students that it is not polite to interrupt the speaker, but it is okay to raise your hand and ask a question.

She ended with, "If you don't listen, you don't learn."

WOW!!!!!!

I was soaking in every word like a good 5th grader!  She had truly caught my attention and so had God.

Everything she said helped me realize how important it is to LISTEN for God to speak.....

Yesterday was one of those days when I felt as if every where I turned at school I was being taught by God.  Bulletin boards, the story the students were reading in reading class, even the guidance counselor was used to draw me closer to Him.

I love days like yesterday.

I want every day to be a day where my ears and eyes are tuned in to what God has to say...

Have you heard from God lately through something unexpected??????

I'd love to hear about it!  I think we all grow when we share our stories of how God is working in our lives.  Do you feel like you haven't "heard" from God in  while?

My challenge for you today is to talk to God about your longing to hear from Him...

Then sit back and LISTEN!!! And remember, sometimes God whispers....so, shhhhhhhhhhhhh.  :)

I love you all so much,

I wonder if the wise men ever got distracted in their long, long journey.  Distracted by people they met, camel "break downs," hunger, fatigue.

I wonder if they ever talked about turning around as they trudged along day after day night after night...sandy,  hot, thirsty...

I wonder if the Star ever faded behind clouds and caused them to lose hope.

I am far from a "wise man."  However, I am a woman who is trying my best to stay focused on the One to whom all my gifts and passions belong.

But, shew!

I feel distracted.

A long list of "things to do" combined with the little things that just "pop up" and require my attention are keeping from Him.

Forgive me, Lord, when this world clouds my view of Your Glory with its day-to-day demands.

Help me to keep looking up.......trusting that in the end my journey will bring me to my knees in front of You.

Determined to Seek Him in spite of myself,

We were so excited to present the first Nicholas Yancy Nischan Foundation Ministry Scholarship to Shane Buchanan and his wife, Sarah.  Shane is majoring in ministry at Kentucky Christian University and has already proven to have the heart of a minister.

We know Nick would be so proud of Shane! 

We look forward to watching Shane and Sarah as they venture out to make a wonderful difference in this world for the Kingdom of God! 

Thank you, Lewis Memorial Baptist Church, for allowing me to spend the morning with you Saturday sharing God's love and faithfulness!

Praying for your Heart 2 Heart Ministry! This is the steering committee in their beautiful Heart 2 Heart t-shirts!

What a great way to share the love of God and encourage women to live for Him!

This is Rosie!  She met me through my blog a couple of years ago, and we finally got to meet in person on Saturday!  Thank you, Rosie, for inviting me to speak at your ladies' brunch.  I was blessed to be with all of you!

If you are in Huntington, WV, and see this church entrance, have your picture taken in front of and send it to me and I'll send you a prize!!!!    Thankful  for a God who promises that those who

"sow in tears will reap joy!"

The Titans are playing tonight.  Nick's favorite team!!!  Our son Evan called today from college and asked if anyone was coming to watch it.  He wanted to drive home and watch it with Tim.  I was thrilled!! And two of Nick's buddies are here too..helping Tim feel so loved.

But I was extra-happy when I got a text tonight from Carla saying she was watching the game and had whispered a prayer for us.

Carla is my friend and she was also Nick's homebound teacher!  She pulled Nick through his portfolio writings and because of her we have a beautiful memoir about "Mamaw" that Nick wrote.  A treasure I haven't even been able to give my mom yet. 

Carla mentioned that she thought it was so perfect that the Titans were playing in the opening game.  Sort-of like Nick was saying that he is here and it is ok.....

RIGHT FROM THE START.

I hadn't even thought of that!!!!! 

I've been dreading football season.  It was always Nick's favorite time of year.

But honestly, the sounds of the football game coming from the living room and the frequent hoots and hollers from the guys are both making me smile tonight.

Tim is wearing one of Nick's jerseys.  He has three of Nick's Titans' ball caps lining the top of the TV.  And I know deep inside that...

Nick has the best seat in the house! 

Thank you, Evan, CJ, and Derek for being here with Tim!

Thank you, Carla, for letting me know you were praying for us!

Thank you, Lord, for carrying us through another first....

Oh, so, faithfully.

 Nick and Tim at the Titans game last October.

Thank you, Mike and Carol, for this precious memory. 

Our GPS led us to a crossroads.  Not sure which way to go, we chose to follow the car in front of us with an Alabama  license plate.  They surely were headed to the same retreat as us! Why would an Alabama car be on this long windy road in Tennessee unless they were looking for the same little "hidden" place as us?  They chose the road to the left, so we followed.

Well, sure enough, they were trying to find the same retreat, but we soon discovered that the road we chose was the wrong one and only led to a chained and locked cattle gate.  Tim and I got out of the car and went to theirs to introduce ourselves.  A strange setting for meeting strangers, but because we immediately knew why we were both on the road, we hugged, shared our names, and had a little laugh. Their GPS had led them to the same crossroads as ours.

We both backed up, turned around, and then headed for the other road choice which ended up taking us through the woods to this true "Hiding Place."

As we saw the parking lot and the lodge, we quickly realized that we had found the spot where we would spend the next few days.

We then shared more time with our new "friends" and learned of the loss of their daughter this past winter.  We were able to share some of our pain and sadness as the weekend went along, and by the time we left this once-unfamiliar couple that we met on a dead-end road is now a cherished couple on our "friend list" and one we have invited to come visit us anytime.

Isn't it neat how God works.

In life, we often find ourselves on unfamiliar roads.  Roads that seem to go nowhere.  But if our eyes are open to the world around us, we quickly realize that God is just waiting to place in our laps just what we need to find our way back to His Hiding Place.  And  He often sends other people to share the road with us...people who are on similar types of roads.

It seems that every where I turn in life right now, there are situations that I cannot control.  There are roads that friends are on that are so unfamiliar and appear to have dead-ends.  There are roads that I am on personally right now that are like that too. 

These roads are rocky and the gates are locked. 

I am so thankful for a God who promises to be my eternal GPS if I will just continue to trust in Him knowing that He has a plan for my friends and for me.

 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
       along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
       I will turn the darkness into light before them
       and make the rough places smooth.
       These are the things I will do;
       I will not forsake them.

Is. 42:17

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I Thessalonians 5:18

As Tim and I joined hands with eleven other couples around a gigantic dining table so that we could pray before our meal Saturday evening, I was so surprised when someone suggested that first we sing,
"Praise God from whom all blessings flow.."

It was beautiful!

To see the faces of parents who had lost children in so many different sad and difficult ways be able to still have a song left to sing....

even if the song came through tears..

I was moved deeply.

As my eyes gazed around the table and saw the determined faces of so many hurting moms and dads, holding hands, lifting some sort of praise to the Creator of the Universe, I couldn't help but see the scene flash before me from "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas," where all the Whos down in Whoville gathered together to sing on Christmas morning in spite of all that was missing.

Remember how the Grinch's heart literally grew as heard the music swelling???

Wouldn't it be great if the devil could finally "get it?"  If he could realize that every time he tries to take us down, we are going to stand back up and keep on keeping on.  That's what faith does...even when there's nothing left but an empty Christmas tree stand.

Is it easy?  No

I woke up this morning after having a very sweet dream about me, Nick, and Mom at the hospital and I felt so sad that I cried all through my shower.  I miss Nick so much that my heart literally aches.

But what would change if I abandoned God?  Would Nick be back?  No

I have to cling to Him who promises MORE!  Him who promises ETERNITY!

Even when it hurts!

For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke.

~ Psalm 66:17, NLT

I have so much to share about the retreat that Tim and I attended, but for tonight I will just share the verse above. The truth of this verse is what I saw this weekend: A group of aching, hurting parents who were praising God as they cried out to Him for help.

It was beautiful, sad, heart-wrenching, healing, and so much more all wrapped into one weekend.

I think the biggest thing I took away from the weekend was the reality of how many amazing kids Nick is with in Heaven. Pictures of all of our children were placed on easels throughout the lodge living room. Stories were told about all of the kids. I was just overwhelmed with joy to think that Nick is in such great company!

Coming home to the reality of Nick's absence is never easy.

This time was no different.

But, I am thankful for the affirmation of Nick's present glory that I received this weekend. He is missing nothing here--that is for sure.

And would you believe that when we arrived there were only two rooms left in the lodge......

Room 7

and

Room 11

That's right!

7-11

Tim and I couldn't believe it!

I'll tell you more tomorrow! I found out I'm subbing the next two days, so I need to get some things done around the house!

I love you all so much!

Thanks for every prayer while we were away!

Praying that each of you will continue to choose to praise Him even as you are crying out for help.....He is listening!

Oops!  I said I wouldn't be back online until next Tuesday, but here I am taking a quick break from packing to send one more little note to all of you before Tim and I head out to a very unfamiliar experience.....to meet 11 couples we have never met before who all share one thing in common with us..they each have at least one child in Heaven waiting for them.  I'm looking forward to hugging each of them and spending some time walking and talking with some other grieving moms.  I know it will be so good for Tim to have some guy-time like this, too. 

But as I was going through my little "to do" list this morning, I was downloading pictures and came across this one of Olivia that Tim took the other night while I was braiding her hair, and it made me smile.

I just had to share this smile with you as a little "Happy Labor Day!" from our family to yours!

I hope it makes you smile too.

I changed my facebook picture to this one and shared the verse,

Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again, I say "REJOICE!"  Phil 4:4

It always amazes me to remember that Paul wrote this from a cold, hard, uncomfortable prison cell way back in Bible times not sure if he would ever be released or if at any moment his life might end.  In spite of his circumstances, he wrote "REJOICE in the LORD!"

So, as you venture into this first weekend in September, 2009, I hope that no matter what this temporary earth has handed you...you can still rest in His arms and REJOICE in HIM....

Thankful for each of you!

If you are looking for some fun trivia facts about our upcoming holiday, check out this LABOR DAY WEBSITE.

It even has come games to play with kids!

I'll be back online on Tuesday, September 8th!

Until then, God bless you all!

"I remember how eager you were to please me
as a young bride long ago,
how you loved me and followed me
even through the barren wilderness."

Jeremiah 2:2

http://www.onmission.com/atf/cf/%7B6767E79D-6E1B-4602-98D7-FFF47EE72523%7D/the_bride_of_christ.jpg

I've been working on a retreat that is coming up where the theme is "He Chose Me" and the lessons all revolve around the church being "The Bride of Christ." So, I was simply amazed to read this verse in my quiet time yesterday. I had never read it before.

Wow!

The verse brought back many memories of my early days of marriage...the fun of getting a pop at a gas station and then heading to the park to play tennis, the fun of taking walks, the fun of cutting down our very first Christmas tree on a farm of someone from the church where Tim had a weekend ministry...

And it made me realize how different life has become as we have entered some deep times of "barren wilderness." I think my eagerness to be a pleasing bride has faded through the years in many ways. I'm just being honest. I need to work on this area of my life a lot!

But even more than that, I wonder how my relationship with my Eternal Groom has changed through my barren wilderness days. Am I still longing to meet Him at the door? Is my dress as white and spotless as I once longed for it to be? Am I always watching and waiting....hoping His return is soon????

From my perspective, marriage proves to be challenging in my house as well as everywhere I look around me....and I think it is very symbolic of the church's struggle to stay committed to Christ and His teaching.

Tim and I are heading to a marriage retreat for the weekend for couples who have lost a child. I think it will be so good for us to get away and spend some time with other couples who are grieving.

It makes me realize, though, that I may need some time away with my other Groom......some time to simply remember the "eagerness" of my early days as a Christian. The days before my "barren wilderness."

Thankful that God paints pictures that are so real! As I have faced tough times and watched other friends face them too, I realize more and more every day that in the end all that will matter is how prepared we are for the return of our Eternal Groom!

Attempting to live a life "dressed in white" while waiting eagerly at my door for His return!

I've been running a lot of different kinds of errands the past few days..

When I finally made it home for a little bit of "in between time" to work on some writing projects, I went to pick up my computer and this is what I saw.

Honestly, I've seen this for weeks now and have simply turned on the computer, gotten busy with my work, and forgotten about what was truly on the outside of my screen! 

Today, though, I thought. "Enough already."

So, I grabbed some cleaner and took care of the smudgy mess.

Wouldn't it be great if all of our messes were this easy to take care of?  And wouldn't it be great if in the end the only fingerprints left on our life would be those of the Creator.

I'm a smudged-up, imperfect, needing - to- be -cleaned-up mess most of the time, and lately I feel that I've been surrounded by a smudged-up, imperfect, needing-to-be-cleaned-up series of dramatic situations.

Shew!

I am so thankful for the Master of all Windex, the Supreme "Quicker-Picker-Upper!"

Today, is one of those days, where I long to just lift both hands and say, "ENOUGH ALREADY!"  And truthfully, isn't that the place God longs for us to be!

He says, "I AM SUFFICIENT!"  Basically, He is saying, "I am enough."

Forget the work and errands and life surrounding you long enough to know Enough!

God is Enough!

So, today, I say....."Enough...already!"

He is already there!!!  He is Enough!!! 

Enough is already here and He is already where you are!

Thank you, Lord, for being "Enough...Already!"

May Your fingerprints be all the world sees on us,