Pouring Out My Closet...and My Heart
Psalm 62

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

I remember sitting in the waiting room at Columbus Children's Hospital while Nick was having one of his many MRIs and reading this passage over and over again until I had it hidden in my heart.

For some reason, as I came across it that particular day I felt something inside me that said, "You need this in your heart."

A few hours later when the doctor came in to tell us that Nick had yet another brain tumor, I found myself saying parts of this passage over and over again in my mind,

"He is my fortress. I will not be shaken.
He is Nick's fortress. Nick will not be shaken."

Looking back on that very emotional day, I realize that God was right there with us just as He would be time and time again.

And He continued to be with us until Nick took his very last breath.

In fact, God has never left us - even in our grief.

Yes, we've cried many tears. We've faced many "firsts" and have many, many more to go. Life will never be the same.

However, God is still our Rock. Our Fortress.

He will not allow us to be shaken.

And Nick? He is sitting at the feet of the Jesus!!! No more need to even worry about being shaken!! He is firmly standing in the Presence of Perfect Peace!

Tonight, though, as I sat and read that passage again, I noticed that the next verse tells even more about "finding rest in God." It says,

8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

It's almost as if God gave me the earlier passage when I needed it and then chose to wait until tonight to give me just a little more.......

kind-of like God knew there would come a time when claiming those first few verses might be even harder....

so He added the command, "Trust in Him at ALL times...."

No matter what.

Trust me.

Pour out your heart to me. I am Your Refuge.

A friend came over this morning and helped me "purge" my closet....literally "pour out my clothes" and reevaluate EVERYTHING..... She's the greatest "clothes critiquer" ever!

If there's a stain, a fade, anything less than "spotless," she picks up the garment and says, "Get rid of it."

It can be embarrassing to have someone go through your closet with such a fine-toothed comb, but it can also be refreshing to get a little new start!

I think that's what God is asking for when He says, "Pour out your heart!"

He wants to see it all! Every blemish, every stain, everything that is less than "spotless."

Like my friend, He is not there to judge me, He just wants to help me "get rid of it!"

If I want to find rest in God... If I want to claim Him as my Rock, my Deliverer, my Fortress......

then I have to "trust Him at all times and pour out my heart."

Just like my closet, it's not all pretty.

It's a lot of work.

But when I walk away I feel renewed.

I even discover things I had forgotten were even there- tucked behind the rubbish.

Passions. Gifts. Hidden treasures.

Pouring out my heart to my Rock and my Salvation,


Blogger Amy Carroll said...

First, I'm so sorry about your loss of Nick. I tear up, because I'm a mom too and that link joins my heart with yours.

It brings me great joy that my devo yesterday encouraged you. Brokeness is certainly not the way most of us would choose to show God to the world, but it's such a powerful display of God's presence in suffering.

Were you part of that amazing group of moms that God put together at She Speaks? Jennifer and Michelle were in my speaker evaluation group, and I think you connected with them.

Hugs to you during this difficult time. God's story will continue through Nick's life and his wonderful mom's testimony.


Blogger Jennifer said...

Just checking in and getting caught up on with blogs...I simply loved your photos from yesterday! I really should make a trip to take some pictures of my childhood home - for me, and for my children! How special.

Its amazing all the "stuff" we hold onto in our closets, isn't it?? (Even if it ever did fit me again...would I want to wear THAT??) We really should not let time pass...when we do any type of inventory - especially matters of the heart!

Sweet friend, you are such an encourager! Have a peaceful weekend! Big hugs!! Jennifer

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