Feeling Crushed......

Prov. 15:13

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

Even though I know deep inside that grief is a journey that takes time, I still struggle on days when I just can't shake the sadness.

Today was one of those days.

I worked on some of the plans for the foundation dinner this weekend.

Todd had choir practice this afternoon, so Olivia and I ran to Ashland for more picture frames and a few things at WalMart.

Why is WalMart so hard for me?

I guess because I remember how much Nick use to love to go with me. He was such a great shopping buddy!

After we shopped, I asked Olivia if she wanted to grab something quick to eat and we decided to run through Fazolis.

As I took a breadstick out of the bag, I had such a flashback of Nick grinning and waiting for a Fazolis employee to bring more breadsticks around. He had so much fun no matter where we were! I miss his joy! I miss his love for living!

When we got back home, I just couldn't let go of my feeling of sadness. It haunted me all day.

I cleaned the bathroom upstairs, dumping out every drawer and pulling out everything under the sink. Maybe purging something will purge me of this blue feeling that will not go away.

But still the sadness in my heart consumed me.

Oh, heartache.

Crushing my spirit.

Pressing my chest in to the point of physical pain.

I know that Nick is in Heaven. But I also know he is not with me.

Help me regain my eternal perspective, Lord. Help me, please.

I am weak today. Feelings of insecurity dance in my mind.

Give me strength, Lord.

Create in me a new heart. A happy heart.

I know You can. I trust in You.

Waiting for signs of a cheerful face,


Praying for you! "...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning!" Psalm 30:5b

Blogger Sherry Jenkins said...

Tammy, my heart goes out to you. You are such a strong person. I know you gain your strength through God. Even in your grief, you are still bringing others to Jesus. I know the Lord will comfort you and bring you peace. But hang in there. Nick is with you always in everything you do. He is a part of you that will never die.I will pray for you...pray that God will renew your strength and take away the emptiness you feel in your heart. Remember you have friends that love you. Sherry

Blogger Cheri' said...

Tammy, when I read you blog my heart hurts for you! I think . . . what can I say to this precious lady to encourage her to keep pressing on?

I wish there was some way to reach into your heart and take out the pain, but I know only Jesus can do such things. So, my only recourse is to pray for you, and write a few words on here so you know you are not alone, nor forgotten.

I can't imagine how much you miss your son, but even in your pain God is using you. EVERY time you share something about Nick -- simple things, like his love for bread sticks -- his light shines out through your words and touches my heart!

My prayers for you will continue! I know He will carry you through!

OpenID heartreflections said...

My the Father of comfort and the God of compassion shower His peace on you today and for the journey ahead. God bless your soul, Shane

Blogger Tracy Tuggle said...

Tammy, I just wanted to leave a few words to let you know that our family greatly loves you and your family. We pray for you and care for you. It is my prayer that God will continue to surround you with His love and minister in His perfect way to your heart.

Tracy Tuggle
Woodstock, Georgia

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