I Should Have Known.......

You're probably wondering what in the world Boston Baked Beans have to do with ANYTHING in my life right now.

Well, here's the truth-----

I woke up this morning and had this anxious feeling that I couldn't quite explain. Nick had had a really rough night. He didn't sleep well and I didn't either. Mom was here, so I decided to run a few errands. I stopped by our church to order new books for the ladies' Sunday school class that I am in, and I did something I have never done before. I stopped in the prayer room at church and got on my knees to pray for Nick. As I knelt there on the floor, I had this uneasy feeling come over me as I realized that there were so many others who needed prayer...........and yet as I knelt there, very few names came into my mind. I felt ashamed. How could I ask over and over again for prayers for Nick and then not be able to remember others who needed prayer as well?

I decided that what I needed was a dry erase board for my frig! I would start writing down the names of those who needed prayer! I left the church and drove to Family Dollar. No luck. I then drove to Dollar General Store......still no dry erase boards, but guess what they did have? Boston Baked Beans! Before I knew it, I was in line buying myself a bag of these little treats....and a can of cashews too!

I headed for KMart popping candy in my mouth the entire way. Have you ever seen someone who is driving and eating at the same time? I mean eating like they have been on a hunger strike for weeks? That's how I think I must have looked. It really disgusts me to even think about it, but that's what I do when I feel edgey and out of sorts. I just eat without even thinking about it, and that is really sad.

Anyway, as I pulled into the KMart parking lot I saw a Grayson Parking Enforcement vehicle which made me think, "Do we have our city sticker yet?" I called Tim, and he didn't think we even needed those anymore since they had changed the way they were doing taxes. But I just had this feeling that it was one of those days where I didn't want to take my chances and I decided to go on home.

So, here I sit tonight. The same "dry erase board-less me" that I was this morning. The same
"aimless pray-er" that I was this morning. The only difference is that I am now totally stuffed with Boston Baked Beans.

I write this blog entry tonight as a way of holding myself accountable to two things:

First, I am buying my prayer board tomorrow, and I am beginning to pray with much more commitment to those I love and to all of you who ask for prayer.

Second, I am going to STOP eating when I am not even hungry! Especially when driving down the road!

I should have known when I walked down the candy aisle that I would not find a dry erase board there!

I should have know that taking time to pray at church this morning wasn't really a "Tammy-time for Nick." It was a "God-time for Tammy." Isn't that just how God works?

We think we are praying for what is on our heart when really God is using our prayer time to work on our heart.

I should have known that God had a plan all along! I am thankful that He did!

I will update you on Nick tomorrow! I have missed you all so much! God used Boston Baked Beans to wake me up to the needs of others! I am so thankful!


Blogger Sheryl said...

Oh Tammy, it is understandable that the needs of others would not come to your mind right now. But the fact that you would drive all around town looking for that board to write names on, shows just what a heart you have.

God often has something in mind for us that we never would have imagined. You just wanted a little prayer time and He had a lesson in store. (Now may I admit that I did laugh out loud when you said "I should have known when I walked down the candy aisle that I would not find a dry erase board there!)

Thanks for sharing your heart with us. I continue to pray for each of you as God brings you to my mind.

Love to you-

Hi Tammy,

Nick is being included in our DAY of PRAYER post today!


Blogger Luanne said...

I, like sheryl, laughed at the no dry erase board down the candy aisle. I can relate to the emotional eating-- When I can stop myself and ask, "Why am I eating? Am I glorifying God while I am eating this...orange circus peanuts, whoppers, chocolate chips...etc. Thank you for reminding me that our prayer time is not about changing our circumstances, but about changing us. God bless, Tammy. Praying for Nick.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

God uses even "Boston Baked Beans" to speak to us.

I am sorry that Nick (and you) had a rough night. It is understandable that you would not be able to "remember" others that need prayer. You have so much on your own plate right now.

Continuing in prayer for your family and that precious Nick.


Blogger Cheri said...

Thank God for Boston Baked Beans, huh? :)


Thank God for little yellow butterflies, because every time I see one I pray for Nick!

Anonymous Mark Strother said...

Tammy, with knowledge of how often you do think of others (such as your call to us when Mary was in the hospital), I just had to say that, compared to most of the rest of us when the storm is nowhere near our lives, you are as caring and thoughtful towards others as anyone I've ever known.

You remain such a blessing,

Blogger Kathy said...

I found your site through the post on the PBT group.

I'm a moderator but I don't follow the list much at all these days but I happened to be checking up on a friend.

I am so terribly sorry about Nick. My son is close in age, 14 and in 8th grade now, and was diagnosed with PNET in 2003.

We are blessed that he is doing well and I feel bad every time I get upset about the challenges we face, because I feel like I'm forgetting to count the blessings.

I like your post today. Especially when my son was first diagnosed, I was so overwhelmed I stopped participating in all the online groups and withdrew from other families at St. Jude, so preoccupied I was with my own shock, anger and grief.

The prayer of St. Francis ran over and over through my head, then and now when I have a private pity party, "O Divine Master, grant that I not so much seek to be consoled as to console".

The simple truth is that the world doesn't revolve around me and no matter how bad things get, it never will.

Reaching out is therapeutic and reminds us of our place in the universe.

My heart breaks for Nick and your family. You have the prayers of this sinner.

Blogger Paula (SweetPea) said...

Tammy, you are just so beautiful. I love your spirit truly I do. I find myself drawn to your every word. This post has convicted me too about praying. I have a hard time remember so I started writing them in a one of the spiraled index card thingies. I added a few (you and Nick) and some others. Yet, I forget to take it with me and to have it when I pray.

I write here today to be a more dedicated prayer warrior.

I have a hard time even praying for my own situation and for my beloved Chris. I try to tell God that the more I pray for Chris the more I have to think about him. Yet, I'm shown over and over how important it is to pray for Chris and our restored marriage even though it is so hard.

I join you in being more dedicated. I don't want to be prayerless. There IS power and effectiveness in a righteous man's prayers. Isn't it James 5:16 or 4:16 ...the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective.

So much love to you. I've been meaning to email you and tell you to add me to your update list about Nick. I'll do that soon.

Love you, sweet one.

Blogger Paula (SweetPea) said...

I, too, thought it was funny that you said you should know there'd be no dry erase boards down the candy aisle.

I am a dangerous thing when hungry and in any store with food. Oh brother. Watch out.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I type and wonder, what you could have found down the office supply aisle to eat?? Remember....those erasers don't taste like they use to when we were kids...... :) :)
I haven't had Boston Baked Beans since the last time I came home to Kentucky. Now, I am wishing I had some.
You are AMAZING!!! I wish I could give you a big ole' hug. If my arms could stretch that far, that would be the first thing I would do then I would hug Nick and he would probably wonder what that crazy lady from Arizona is doing.
I will continue to keep you in my daily prayers. xoxoxo Charlotte Stone

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