The other day one of my friends mentioned something about my blog and I told her that on days when I don't write I am often just not "up" for sharing..

That was my day yesterday.

My "thankful Thursday" turned into anything but a day of "thanksgiving."

Have you ever had one of those days?  How about weeks?  :)

Tim and I spent an hour and a half at the funeral home yesterday afternoon meeting with the tombstone designer and funeral director.  Sometimes I couldn't finish sentences, because the tears were just "right there."  But we left with a beginning plan, so now we wait for the drawings to come in and then go from there.  I want Nick's tombstone to be special just like him.  It means more to me than I ever thought a piece of rock could.

Piling this emotional experience on top of car trouble right before my brother's wedding didn't help either.

Monday night I found myself stuck in the WalMart parking lot with a dead battery in our car while at the same time I knew that our van was waiting to be taken to the shop to have the transmission looked at.  (Ugh.)

I wish I could say that I laugh at moments like this, but unfortunately, I can't.

The part that frustrates me most is this:

After walking the road of cancer with Nick for so many years and then having to go through his painful and long dying experience, I thought nothing would rattle me on this planet ever again.

But a dead battery did.

And transmission trouble did.

And the thought of purchasing a newer car and having car payments again did.

And getting all of our family members ready for a wedding did.

Yes, everything meaningless did.

I turned Thankful Thursday into Ugly Thursday.

I am thankful that the sun is shining today....reminding me that God's mercy is new every morning.

Part of experiencing a "gratitudinal change" (which is what Nancy refers to becoming a grateful person in her book Choosing Gratitude) is learning to be thankful IN ALL THINGS....

Shew.

I have a lot of changing to do.

Olivia's fourth grade teacher was parked right next to us at WalMart and her husband and another nice family I didn't even know helped me get the car started.

The van is now in the shop.

We're test driving a car this weekend that a friend from church has on his car lot.

The battery in our car is fine.

The suitcases are packed.

I was suppose to sub this morning, but the teacher ended up not having to be gone which freed up several hours for me to get some last minute things done.

God longs for me to trust Him...in all things.

I'm thankful for a husband who exemplifies God's patience and love to a level I sometimes think humanly impossible.

I felt that this gift of a morning free from what I had expected was God's way of allowing me to regroup and confess.........

I'm still trying to become what He longs for me to be.

A happy, whole, trusting Christian woman.

Philippians 4:5-7

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I'm speaking at a women's retreat in a couple of weeks in Pennsylvania on the topic

"Releasing the Inner Child:  Rediscovering Joy"

One of the things that they asked me to send was a baby picture of myself.

When I look at this photo of me and I think of how life beats the innocence and beauty out of us over time, I realize that when Jesus called us to "become like a little children," He was speaking words of great depth and meaning.

Being like Him and living for Him calls us back to the days before the devil had a chance to speak lies into our hearts and tear us down from the inside out.

Please pray for me as I prepare for this retreat.  I feel as if spiritual warfare has intensified greatly as I have begun digging into God's Word regarding "joy and being childlike in our faith."

Releasing my life into His hands once again,