I just read Saturday in my chronological Bible about Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus.
I read about him seeing the bright light and then being blinded for three days.
I read about how God used this terrifying moment to change something inside of him.
And from that time on, he was a different person....
So different, in fact, that he changed his name from Saul to Paul and began doing the exact opposite with his life.
Once a persecutor of Christian, he now dedicated his life to helping people become Christians.
We read this story last night with some of our football boys, and I told them very briefly about what had happened to me Monday.
I know I didn't have an actual "Saul/Paul" moment, but something changed inside me Monday.
As I was riding in the ambulance, thinking "What if this is it?", I realized that the people who would miss me most are the people I invest the least time in these days.
Honestly, people might cry if they heard I was gone.
I would cry if I heard a great number of people were gone.
But my life probably wouldn't be totally turned upside down.
I would cry.
Then I would have to step right back into my roles.
The same would be true of most people who know me.....
Except for my family and maybe a few close friends.
Their lives would be changed forever.
Someone would replace me in my job.
Someone would replace me in my Sunday school class.
Someone else would lead in any area of leadership I have on this planet, and life would go on.
So, I've done a lot of thinking since Monday about what's really important, and I realize I have some big decisions to make about how I want to spend the next part of my life....no matter how long it is.
When we talked with the our football boys, we asked them two questions.
First, "Are you more like Saul or Paul?"
Second, "If you are more like Saul, what is it going to take to change you?"
Maybe Monday happened just so we could ask our boys those two questions.
Maybe Monday happened so I would ask myself how I am investing my time.
Maybe Monday just happened for no reason at all other than the fact that sometimes in life our bodies do weird things.
I don't know.
But I do know this, God uses everything to teach us, mold us, change us, and perfect us.
And I want my eyes WIDE OPEN to how He longs to teach, mold, change, and perfect me.
Not being able to see clearly was scary.
Losing my peripheral vision was terrifying.
Spiritually, I'm afraid that happens to me way too often.
I want a clear view of the world through God's eyes.
Topsy gave me a book to read last week, and in the book people wake up changed.
They can see the world differently, they can hear the world differently.
I want to be open to how God longs to change my vision and my hearing, so He can use me to help a hurting world.
I went to my eye doctor yesterday. Thank you for praying for me as I sat waiting for my appointment time. I looked across the room and there was one of our "Nick Nook's" with Nick's smiling face looking right at me. I knew he was with me and I knew God was too.
My optometrist was very kind.
He took photos of my eyes, and we looked at them on a computer screen. They looked good.
He is leaning towards an ocular migraine which he says can be very scary the first time you experience one.
Now I am waiting for all of my blood work results to return and then I'll know where to go from here.
Hopefully, the only thing that will change is my spiritual perspective.
I've tried to live for Him, but I feel like God is calling me to even deeper places.
I just don't know that that means yet.
I love you all so much.
Have a thankful Thursday!