Sometimes in grief you reaches places of peace and resignation.
That's kind-of where I was with the death of our little girl, Adrienne.
Seeing her tombstone daily for twenty years and realizing that all of my friends' children who were born that same year are now busily completing college and planning wedding,
I sort-of reached a place where I thought maybe Adrienne's short little life had served its biggest purposes in doing these three things:
1. Teaching me deep compassion for the hurting
2. Pushing us to adopt Olivia from India
3. Preparing me for the difficult road of letting Nick go
Honestly, I had deep peace in knowing that my 6-week experience as Adrienne's mom was a gift and the lessons she taught me were a gift for a lifetime.
I really never expected anymore.
Until last week when I received a Facebook message from a lady I had never met who recently lost her baby to SIDS and was looking for support.
Just one week later we have a Facebook page, thanks to another hurting mom, for eight moms who have all walked this horrific road of waking to find a child has died in his/her sleep.
Talking with these moms, I realize that the pain I felt twenty years ago was very normal.
I realize that I somehow muddled through grief without a group of women who were walking the same road and it was only by the grace of God that I did not crack.
I came close.
I can remember sitting in a mall parking lot all alone squirting St. John's Wart, an herb for calming nerves, under my tongue and thinking, "This is it. I have lost my mind."
But God had other plans and somehow He pulled me out of a pit and gave me hope and a promise.
If you find yourself grieving today for the loss of someone you love dearly,
I write to encourage you.
First, allow yourself time and space for God to work.
Then thank God for being with in all those times and space.
Finally, know that no matter how many years pass by, God longs to use your journey to help others who will walk behind you.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.
Trust Him today with your pain.
I love you all so much.