A Heavy Load and An Unnecessary Pencil........

 

Why am I surprised that my mind has been swirling this weekend with anxious thoughts?

Erich's all-night work schedule followed by all-night driving with Tim and Evan to get to California, his flight back home to Nashville, Mallory being home alone while he was away.........

Evan's hunt for a place to live, his upcoming job interviews, the California traffic he has to get use to.......all things I can't control.

Todd's transition to college, dorm life issues, relationship changes........so many more situations that are out of my hands.

Olivia's friendships, her feelings of insecurity and need for a best friend, her classes at school.........more and more things that I want to somehow magically "make better."

 

I should have remembered how "fully relying on God" became a bigger struggle as I prepared to speak on the topic.  Maybe then I wouldn't have been so shocked when I found myself trying to carry the load for all of my kids when I am speaking on the very topic this Friday night.

 

Baggage.

suitcases

There's so many different kinds to carry.

 

Sometimes it's our past that weighs us down.  Sometimes it's fear of the future.

And yet other times, it's the very present road we're walking that seems to hand us overloaded suitcases.

 

I walked last night and talked with God the whole time.  I tried to be honest (He knows my heart anyway).  I tried to tell Him I want to let go of all of these things that aren't mine to hold anyway.  I've got to find a way, and for me I think it's going to be a literal suitcase, to place all my worries in His Hands.

Tonight, I am going to get in the attic and find an old suitcase, and I'm going to write down everything that is weighing me down on slips of paper and fill the suitcase up.  Then I'm going to shut it and put it somewhere in plain sight.  I want to be reminded daily that God carries all my worries and doubts............when I remember this, I can breathe more easily, sleep more peacefully, walk more confidently, and run more freely.

I told God yesterday that deep inside I want to write my own story and I want to write my kids' stories, but I felt like God was telling me to put the pencil down.

pencil writing

He is the Author and Perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:2) and my kids' faith.  My story and their stories are being written by Him not me.

When I let go of the pencil and set down the suitcase, I am able to lift my hands and worship Him and Him alone.

 

Today, that's what I'm going to try to do......

Praying you can do the same.



5 Comments:

Anonymous Sue said...

Tammy,
I too struggle with this at times. One thing I try to remember is that God see the BIG picture and He has a plan. When we hold tight and try to control, we get in His way. I've seen time after time, when I let go, God moves in and good things happen...without my control ;). You have done what God asks us to do...raise your children in the ways of the Lord, now let Him do the rest. You've given them good roots, now let them grow as God sends others to water them! Love you!

Blogger Jen said...

Heard a Christian speaker, Graham Cooke, speak about baggage and luggage and the difference. We go to God and give him all our old baggage. He gives us new luggage full of exciting new things. I was hoping to find it on YouTube but can't. I often think on it. I don't want to carry around old bags. I want nice new purple/mauve luggage.

Fill up that old suitcase and get rid of it. Praying for you Tammy.

Anonymous Tammy said...

Sue and Jen,

Thank you for your sweet words!! I had a great day! Enjoyed worship this morning, had a wonderful afternoon with Mom and Olivia, cleaned my porch and back room, and have spent this evening helping Olivia rearrange her bedroom. :) Evan and Tim had a great worship experience in California!!!! I am so thankful! Erich and Mallory are celebrating their one year anniversary today! :) Todd watched football at the house all afternoon, too, so yes, I am trying to trade my old luggage for new...........Jen, I'll have to decide what color and style. :) Love yoU both!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh wow Tammy I so enjoyed your words today and I loved Jen's response about the luggage and baggage. Now if we can all remember that God is in charge and pick up the luggage, do what we have to do and then let God do what he has to do.

I am so thankful for you and Jen's comment today.
Love the Lord, Sandy

Blogger Janet said...

I know I've said this before; but I just think you are so amazing. Thank you for sharing your heart. I know that you've had to deal with so much more than I have, and it gives me hope that maybe someday I will sort of get things together. I know it can only be in and thru Christ that I achieve anything. Thanks for your inspiration to be all that God wants us to be!! Love and prayers.

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