It's humbling and embarrassing that I spent the weekend speaking at a retreat on the topic of "Fully Relying on God" and then woke up this morning feeling consumed with anxiety about the fact that Evan only has two more days to live in our house.
Two more days.
I tossed and turned a bit and tried to whisper somewhat broken prayers then Tim woke up and said, "Are you ok, baby?"
I burst into tears and said, "I'm going to miss Evan so much."
He tried to comfort me by saying, "I really think we'll see Evan as much as we see Erich." This caused me to cry more, because I miss Erich too.
Shew.
Tim prayed with me, and the reality hit that I had to get up and get ready for school.
Life doesn't stop because tears appear in our eyes, does it?
Thankfully, I was able to spend the whole afternoon yesterday with Evan.
He even took me out to dinner; and as we visited, he drew a map of the Los Angeles area for me. It helped to see the layout of the city and where he might be working and taking classes and living.......
This morning as I thought about writing about joy I felt a little conflicted inside of myself, because joy didn't seem to be an emotion I was experiencing.
So I began Googling things about "empty nest syndrome" and ran across a few articles that helped me look at my situation through a different lens.
We are entering a new chapter with Evan, and I need to be excited about what this chapter holds even if it hurts to see the one we are in ending.
As I came back to my blog to write, it occurred to me that when baby birds leave a nest they fly to all kinds of different branches. It would be pitiful to see a bunch of big birds trapped in a nest with a mommy bird demanding that they do not fly.
I don't want to be that kind of mom.
Wednesday is a huge day at our house. Tim and Evan pull out in the afternoon, leaving Maria, Olivia, and me to face the reality of what this next chapter is going to look like.
I want to choose joy as we face this new chapter knowing that one day all of our goodbyes will be transformed into an Eternity of NO GOODBYES!
Oh, what a day that will be!!
I told Evan that I am not going to say "bye;" I'm just going to say "see you soon!"
When I think of Nick and Adrienne, I think the same words and it makes me smile!
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
4 Comments:
Once again you brought tears to my eyes as I sympathize with how you are feeling. Empty nest is not an easy thing for moms who have always tried to be there to protect those birds of ours. It's not easy, trust me, but having God on our side does make it a little easier. We know how to go to HIM and just talk it out and ask Him to help us be still and calm. I still cry and get anxious when I leave my 41 year old son in FL, my 40 year old in UT and my 37 year in MD when I go visit the other two. There is something to say about a momma and her sons. We have to let them fly, but just think you can fly or drive to visit them. Isn't that how it is suppose to be. Hugs to you on this next journey you will be on. Sandy
Tammy,
I totally get how you are feeling. This empty nest thing has me feeling all kinds of emotions! Sawyer is a Sr. and while he is so excited to finish this year, I am hoping we can drag it out as long as possible!
If you find any good articles on empty nest syndrome I woulld love to see them.
I'll be praying for you this week.
God Bless,
natalie
Just think how much more time you will have for Tim and Olivia. And you can share all the new experiences with Evan as he tells you about them.
I miss my youngest boy sooo much as we were always so close. And I had a terrible week last week feeling a total disconnect from the whole family that lives away form me. That no one needed me anymore. But I know when I get into a pity party that it is the devil or my flesh and that I need to make a moment by moment choice to declare that God is always good. We are constantly in live learning to live with a new normal. But just think, God trusts us to do that knowing that his mercies are new every morning and that his love never changes.
Sandy, Natalie, and Jen,
You are all so precious to me! Thank you for your sweet words and reminders that God never takes us where we cannot walk...............with His help.
I love you so much,
Tammy
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