As I woke up this morning and realized that I only have about 24 more hours of Evan living in our house, I felt that all-too-familiar sense of panic and sadness rising up in me. I spent the evening helping Evan sort through years of memories, clothes, and other things.............

trying to get him ready for the big move on Wednesday.

I've never wanted to fight something like I want to fight this and yet felt excited at the same time.

It's as if I know that this is what has to happen in order for Evan to venture into manhood, but my heart isn't ready to say "Ok, it can happen."

Evan came by the high school yesterday to see my room and say "bye" to some of his teachers. My students are so sweet. They could tell by my face that I was having a hard day, and they made sure I knew I was loved and everything would be okay.

One of my students is writing me a poem about letting Evan go. I can't wait to read it!

As I was thinking this morning of how difficult this has been for me, a thought went through my mind that had never gone through it before in quite the same way.

Did God cry when Jesus left for Bethlehem???

The Christmas story seems so beautiful from our perspective.

Angels singing

Shepherds bowing.

Wise men bringing gifts.

Mary and Joseph, holding a tiny bundle of joy, and a stable filled with God's love.

But God knew the rest of the story, and I wonder if He cried a little.

Ultimately, He knew there would be a happy ending, however, for 33 years He knew that Jesus would face lots of heartache, rejection, sadness, and pain.

I'm thankful that God didn't change His mind when He thought about the cost.

I'm thankful that He understands on a much larger scale what it's like for me to let Evan go to a faraway place to be surrounded by people I do not know.

I know He's going with Evan, and as much as I love Evan, He loves Evan even more. That 's an awful lot of love.

So, I take a deep breath, and place Evan in God's lap (He's there anyway, right?), trusting God with Him just like I trusted Him with Nick.........

sigh........

I have one more evening with my sweet boy at home.

Then I'll be counting down the days until I see him again.

I'll bet God was counting down those days til Jesus came Home too.

John 3:16-17

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.