Life was too full yesterday to even sit at a computer and finish my thoughts on gratitude.
I have to tell you, though, that "full days" do not fix grief, and I am learning month by month that busy, for me, isn't always better. Tim and I are both entering some new and different level of sadness right now. I don't know if it is the changing of seasons and the fact that last spring we were so numb that makes this spring so much more difficult. I don't know if it's the reality sinking in deeper and deeper that Nick will never walk through our home again humming or throw a football in our yard or sit at the computer and create a new piece of artwork or have a friend over or.....and on and on and on. I just don't know.
All I know is this:
Grief is the toughest road I have ever been on and without the hope of Heaven, I would be in bed 24/7, this blog would not continue, and I would not want to live another day.
I am so thankful for I Thessalonians 4:13,
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
So as I read the next chapter in Choosing Gratitude entitled "Why Choose Gratitude?" I was struck once again with the reality that my ability to say "thank you" even now in deep sadness continues to be a choice.
Not always an easy choice, but one I have to make daily.
Nancy gives eight reasons we should choose gratitude based on Scripture:
1. Gratitude is a matter of obedience
2. Gratitude draws us closer to God
3. Gratitude is a sure path to peace
4. Gratitude is a gauge of the heart
5. Gratitude is the will of God
6. Gratitude is evidence of being filled with the Spirit
7. Gratitude reflects Jesus' heart
8. Gratitude gets us ready for Heaven
Knowing all of these truths are based on The Truth inspires me to choose gratitude today.
Even when many of my deeper conversations involve an unsteady voice, quivering lip, and periodic tears, I choose gratitude.
Gratitude for more than just blessings but also for pain...because I KNOW and BELIEVE that God numbers our days, uses our tears, and promises joy for eternity to those who trust in His Son.
Trusting,
3 Comments:
Tammy it is hard for me to answer,never having walked your path and lost a child, but my dear husband passed away much too soon in our second marriage. I believe that God gave us our emotions and it is quite okay to be sad. I wonder if you are too busy trying to be strong for your family, both natural and here at the blog. Working with grieving families is perhaps not giving you time to grieve, to be sad. Allow yourself to feel, then come out the other end knowing that during it God is strong enough to hold you together. There will always be a saddness at what you all and Nick is missing by not being here in your life but there are lots of pains and unhappiness that you all will never have to feel on the other side of that penny.
Just be kind to yourself. Jesus wept. Allow yourself to as well. Grief only becomes bad when you let yourself get to the point where you can no longer function. I am sure you and God are stronger than that. Psalm 30 says that "weeping shall last for a nigh but joy cometh in the morning". I don't want to discourage you but in God a thousand years are but as a watch in the night. So take all the time you need to mourn. Those that mourn will be blessed.
You continue to bless me with your honesty and depth.
On another note, another week has passed and no book arrived. Most times it only takes between 5 and 10 days for something to arrive from US. I know that the weather has been horrible over there and we don't know how quickly it was dispatched but I do hope it hasn't gotten lost.
Love to you
Jennifer
Ps. I don't think choosing gratitude and mourning are contradictory
Jen,
First of all, thank you for your honesty. You are very right in all that you have said. I think that in some ways I have felt that being strong was "the right way" to grieve and because of that haven't allowed myself to really, really be sad.
I do agree that gratitude and mourning are not contradictory. I was just visiting with a friend yesterday and said, "I am sad.....but I am not unhappy or unthankful." I know just what you meant, and I thank you for putting it into words for me.
We have stepped back a lot from Nick's foundation and it has been good for me. Tim and I both needed time to be still.
About your book, I am going to email Stephanie right this minute because that concerns me too. You should have received that by now. Please send me a note as soon as you get it.
Send me your email address to tammynischan@yahoo.com, and I will forward it on to Moody Publishers as well. Also, so I can double check the address I sent to Stephanie. I just went to my email and wrote to her again. :)
Jen, again, thank you for your words. I try very hard to take all things to heart when people share because I know that they are sharing in love, so thank you.
God bless your day.
Love,
Tammy
I am with you on that, that the reality keeps sinking in more and more and that without the hope of heaven it would be unbearable.
Love you,
Martha
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