Books That Are Ministering to Me These Days and Reflections on 2009

The Bible

I have enjoyed my one-year chronological Bible so much over the past year.  I was sharing in Sunday school yesterday about how neat it was to finish reading of the incredibly descriptive, Heavenly events in Revelation on December 31st and then begin January 1st back in the quiet, peaceful garden as God was just creating the Heavens and the Earth.  I love that "His story" is such beautiful "history."

The Road God Walks by Germaine Copeland.

Fasting by Jentezen Franklin.

Jesus Calling by Saray Young.

Jesus Day By Day by Beth Moore.

Daniel Bible Study with Beth Moore.

The more I read, the more I realize how much there is to learn about God's love and faithfulness.

It's been a little crazy here with five snow days in a row, the older boys moving back into their dorms, and Tim diving back into the college work world.

I'm going to continue subbing when I can, but I have agreed to take on a part-time job with an area elementary school where I will be working two days a week helping fourth graders one-on-one with their writing skills.  I feel that this job is just what I need right now to help our family financially while allowing me to make a difference in the lives of some children I have yet to meet.

We have a lot of work to do with Nick's foundation, and we need prayers for wisdom as we decide which aspects of the foundation to concentrate on in this coming year.

As I look back on 2009, I have so many thoughts, so many emotions...I am....

Thankful that the Lord was faithful in all my nights and days of agony and tears

Thankful that my friends allowed me to grieve openly as well as privately with no "expectations"

Thankful that my marriage survived yet another rocky test as we grieved the loss of our second child

Thankful that our surviving children have continued to love us and surround us with reasons to smile

Thankful that Nick's friends have checked on me and included me in their life journeys..I still love them all so much

Thankful that I have met so many other grieving moms and dads and have been able to share their sorrow while meeting some of Nick's new Heavenly friends in such personal ways

Thankful that love has blossomed in my brother's life, Erich's life, and Evan's life.....

Thankful that God's Words that strengthened me while Nick was fighting cancer now comfort me as I live with grief

As I look forward into 2010 there is so much I want to do and be....

A better friend

A better mom

A better wife

A better Christian

A better daughter

A better sister

A better human being

Sometimes I feel as if I cannot complete in a day all of the things I want to do and then I smile as I realize that God has given me the ability to set goals again, live again, press on again.

My sadness is different this year.

I can talk about Nick now and smile..even laugh.

Oh, my heart is still broken and I know tough days will continue to face me, BUT

it seems with every passing day I realize more and more how blessed I am to have been Nick's mom and even more than that how blessed Nick is to be HOME ALREADY!  Away from this world with all of its troubles....

Looking up so much more than I look around and feeling thankful for the view,


Blogger Mimi said...

you continue to be a real inspiration...

Anonymous Violeta said...

Each day is a new canvas to paint upon. Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness, and at the end of the day you don't look at it and wish you had painted something different!

love you and blessings !!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your thoughts brought tears to my eyes. It's amazing how God's time heals little by little. I had also read another blog today where the mom is in the same place as you, a year later. She had a beautiful poem that reflected on her journey and where she is now after losing her son as well. And through it all, it was our dear Lord and your faith that carried you both and the mnany people He brought into your life to help you with the struggle. I can't even begin to imagine where you have been, but you certainly are strong enough to continue with your healing. God Bless you Tammy. Sandy in MD

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