Today is Adrienne's 22nd birthday.
Our bundle of pink born on March 15, 1992.
My first and only c-section.
My bonnet-wearing angel.
Little did I know that six weeks later,
God would take her back, slip her away in the night, while we slept nearby.
SIDS became part of my life story.
SIDS became part of my life story.
I miss her every single day, but time has somehow softened the pain.
Twenty-two years and bigger grief has placed Adrienne's absence far enough away that sometimes it seems like a very painful scene from a movie.
And yet, I know I'll see her again.
I wonder if she'll be all grown up or still my little baby when I hug her.
How long has our separation seemed to her?
How does time pass on the other side?
I majored in math so this calculation should be easy.
Just how long is twenty-two years in Heaven?
365 days times 22 equals 8,030 days.
Psalm 90:4 says,
A thousand years in your sight are like
a day that has
a day that has
just gone by, or like a watch in the night.
If I'm reading this correctly, Adrienne has been gone about eight days from God's perspective.
Twenty-two years for me.
Eight days for her.
When I remind myself that God's ways are higher than mine and that He works in ways I may never understand while on this planet, I am transformed from the inside out.
I'm able to face birthdays with no cake, no balloons, no earthly celebration;
because I know that from God's view of Adrienne's life,
I haven't even missed her first birthday!
Today, I'll be busy.
An interview for a summer writing project, an audition for Olivia in Louisville, and a Christian concert tonight with Olivia's youth group friends.
God has filled our lives with many new experiences over the past twenty-two years;
and He has been faithful to bring joy in spite of our tears.
I'm thankful today even though my earthly heart wonders what today could have been like had life gone the way of my dreams.
I'm thankful, because I have a Father who promises that
"those who sow in tears will reap songs of joy."
I'm trusting Him with that promise.
And I know He is faithful.
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