I'm pretty sure I have seasonal affective disorder.
Just typing those words makes me feel better.
I'm getting it out there...........
Admitting that I haven't felt like myself lately.
We've had a crazy winter in Kentucky,
and while I've absolutely loved having permission to stay inside under a blanket and read books,
the lack of sun and social experiences has taken a toll on me.
I need sunlight.
I need people.
Now that the roads have melted enough for a regular routine to force its way back into my life,
I'm struggling to find the energy to match the demands of each new day.
This morning I made a few decisions as a result of my morning quiet time and Bible reading.
The correlation may seem strange at first, but stay with me.
I'm in the part of the Old Testament where the Israelites are destroying nations filled with the worship of false gods.
It's not easy reading about the wiping out entire nations.
But, I don't think we can truly grasp the culture of that day or the depth of evil in the midst of these other tribes.
I am hoping that somehow these people who were wiped off the earth were given another chance when Jesus was in the grave and the New Testament. It does say He went down and "preached." (But that's another story for another day.)
Anyway, I've thought a lot about what the Israelites were called to do as they purged the land of evil on their way to Canaan.
God commanded them to get rid of everything that was distracting them from Him.
He knew that in order to survive, they could not live in an atmosphere where they were constantly being pulled away by false gods.
This pulling away from God would result in all kinds of problems in the future.
I think God demands the same type of actions from me.
Not an attack on tribes or people, but an attack on everything in my life that is pulling me away from being completely His.
I'm starting today.
I'm asking God what needs to go.
I'm asking God to make it very clear.
One thing that may seem tiny in the scheme of things but I believe may be huge in God's eyes is my Facebook app on my phone.
I deleted it this morning.
I just don't need to be checking it off and on throughout the day.
My blog posts go directly to my wall, and I will check my message inbox once every evening.
Other than that, I'm pulling away.
My face-to-face friendships have to be a priority.
Social media cannot replace a hug or a cup of coffee with a friend.
I'm not sure what's next, but I'm on a mission to regain a better focus.
I can't be the mom, wife, daughter, sister, or friend I long to be unless I am exactly who God wants me to be first.
So, today, I'm looking up from my seasonally blue place and seeking His face.
I can already feel warmth soaking into me as I know I'm on the right track in my own personal pursuit of His Presence.
If you find yourself feeling like things aren't quite right in your own life,
ask God where to start.
He's patiently waiting with an answer.
Come near to God,
and he will come near to you.