Our eyes locked and I knew.

Distance.

A chasm even.

Noone's fault really.

Two busy lives.

Two filled worlds.

And yet the ache was the same.

Guilt.

Doubt.

Regret maybe...I'm not sure of every emotion that ran through me.

But one thing I'm sure of is this.

I don't want to forget what real"ly" matters.

I don't want to get so caught up in life that I let things slip.

Like friendships.

And cooking meals for my family.

And keeping my house cozy.

And creating fun memories for Olivia.

I struggle to balance a career, motherhood, marriage, and friendships.

When I work, I work intense"ly."

When I love, I love deep"ly".

When I care, I care passionate"ly."

And sometimes all these "lys" collide, and I'm left feeling complete"ly" confused.

God, who am I?

Every time I get to this point, I come back to the same answer.

"I am just Tammy. a grieving mom, trying to make a little difference in a broken world."

Then I lean my head back and wonder how in the world I ended up where I am, and I ask God to speak clear"ly."

Is this just a chapter, a season, a training-time, or is this it?

I want to know.

My hands are open.

My heart is too.

I want to live a life that real"ly" matters.

I want to crawl in bed at night and know that I have lived my day ful"ly" in His will.

Happi"ly," joyful"ly," thankful"ly," humb"ly," patient"ly," honest"ly."

And I also want to lock eyes with dear friends and know that they know that they are a huge part of what matters to me.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"  

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 

This is the first and greatest commandment. 

 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 

All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Matt. 22:36-40

Lord, help me today, to bring every conversation, every decision, into Your presence....

and choose wise"ly" what real"ly" matters.

You matter most.