If you've ever seen Extreme Home Makeover, you've heard the words, "MOVE THAT BUS!" I can't watch that show without tears rolling down my face. As a matter of fact, I rarely watch the show anymore because my kids make fun of me for crying so much.
Well, in a strange sort of way, I have had something blocking my view of God's mountain. Not a bus and really not a tree.........something that was keeping my heart from feeling totally free to pray for a miracle.
It was hospice.
In and of itself, I know that hospice serves a wonderful purpose. I know that it can bring great comfort in times of need.
But, at this time in Nick's journey, there was just something about stepping to this level that did not bring peace to my soul. I felt crazy for saying, "I'm praying for a miracle," as the medical world came in and out of our house to "check on Nick's condition."
After some deep soul-searching and talks with my husband, we have decided that we are pulling out. We have many nurse and nurse practitioner friends who are lined up and ready to be at our door within minutes if needed. We have friends and family to provide love and support.
And we have God..........the Perfect Comforter.
I still believe that God can totally heal Nick. He is walking now. He is going to a movie tomorrow with his dad! I know that God's ways are higher than my ways. I trust Him...no matter what (and that is very hard to say), however..................
Tonight I humbly yet happily say,
MOVE THAT TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a clear view of the mountain!!!!!!!!!
Lifting My Eyes to the Hills Where My Help Comes From,
Well, in a strange sort of way, I have had something blocking my view of God's mountain. Not a bus and really not a tree.........something that was keeping my heart from feeling totally free to pray for a miracle.
It was hospice.
In and of itself, I know that hospice serves a wonderful purpose. I know that it can bring great comfort in times of need.
But, at this time in Nick's journey, there was just something about stepping to this level that did not bring peace to my soul. I felt crazy for saying, "I'm praying for a miracle," as the medical world came in and out of our house to "check on Nick's condition."
After some deep soul-searching and talks with my husband, we have decided that we are pulling out. We have many nurse and nurse practitioner friends who are lined up and ready to be at our door within minutes if needed. We have friends and family to provide love and support.
And we have God..........the Perfect Comforter.
I still believe that God can totally heal Nick. He is walking now. He is going to a movie tomorrow with his dad! I know that God's ways are higher than my ways. I trust Him...no matter what (and that is very hard to say), however..................
Tonight I humbly yet happily say,
MOVE THAT TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a clear view of the mountain!!!!!!!!!
Lifting My Eyes to the Hills Where My Help Comes From,
7 Comments:
Wow, wow, wow!! Love this! I think this may have brought more tears to my eyes than any previous post. You have no idea the things that God is teaching ME through your journey. HE really is evident and at work in miraculous ways.
Love to you-
Sheryl
Tammy,
Hi. That mountain called Hospice is a Real nice mountain. I have had to climb it twice now and I was glad it was there when I really needed it. God Bless you my dear friend and please remember the email I sent you yesterday. I am here if you need me.
Always in my prayers. Charlotte
Tammy,
I want you to know you all have made the right decision. Hospice is like the buzzurds waiting for death. Praise God, we can embrace life! I don't know that God CAN heal Nick, He IS/ WAS healed in Jesus name! Rebuke it. Speaking things that aren't as though they are! We love you all and are praying. I love that faith!
Psalm 18:1-37
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
5 The cords of the grave [b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
7 The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
8 Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
9 He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
10 He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
12 Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
13 The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded. [c]
14 He shot his arrows and scattered the enemies ,
great bolts of lightning and routed them.
15 The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I have not done evil by turning from my God.
22 All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.
23 I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
24 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
to the blameless you show yourself blameless,
26 to the pure you show yourself pure,
but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.
27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.
28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
29 With your help I can advance against a troop [d] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.
30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them;
I did not turn back till they were destroyed.
I sat back and wondered if you have ever been mountain climbing? Crazy question, I know. But, my dear friend, no better way to see the mountain than to be on it!
Love and prayers to you, Cheri
I don't know how I ended up on your blog, but I've been here for two hours, going through pictures on Nick's Webpage, and scrolling through your posts. My heart hurts for your family and for your son. It sounds like Nick has touched soooooo many people through his faith in God! My prayers are with you and your family! This post was super encouraging. I'll be back. May God totally bless you and heal your son!
I can totally relate to your reasoning for removing hospice. It's kind of like me dating or patroning a male friend while at the same time praying and believing God to resurrect a very dead marriage and to soften the heart of His own child, my beloved. What does that say about my faith? So, I can SO, SO relate to your reasoning for removing it. If you are believing for a miracle and know it's on the edge of tomorrow, then why need hopsice.
I love your "move that tree" analogy. Kind of like we can't see the forest through the trees.
Much love and prayers.
Paula
Tammy - you may not realize it, but that photo of the tree is at Zion National Park. I was there this summer and recognized it immediately. It's interesting that you selected a photo of a place named after the Zion of Scripture - where God's people will dwell. Read Isaiah 51:11 and see what happens in Zion. What a promise!
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