It's one of those days when I've tried to start typing about six different times, and I've ended up backspacing and deleting every letter, every word, every thought.
Sometimes my words just sound empty, and today is one of those days when "all I've got" isn't much to offer.
Last week was spring break, and I had a list a mile long of things I wanted to accomplish.
I slept in a little later than usual which threw off my normal routines, and I didn't always get to share on my blog even though you were never far from my heart and mind.
I cleaned and purged and painted and rearranged and reorganized so much of my house, and
it felt good to take control of some places that had begun to take control of me.
Grief mingled with so many things I did last week, though, and I found myself feeling everything from sadness to guilt as I brought parts of our house to life in ways that felt
"right" and "good" even though so many I love aren't here to share the rightness or goodness anymore.
I miss Nick so much, but the reality is, "I miss Erich and Mallory and Evan too."
I have to work at balancing my emotions so that I can be fully present for Tim, Olivia, and Todd.
I do not want to slip into some kind of sadness just because life keeps moving forward quickly even when my steps seem slow and shaky.
I love sharing life with all of you so much, too, and I know that so many of you are facing daily struggles right this minute with health problems, financial burdens, loneliness, insecurities, questions about where God is in the midst of your pain,
and that makes me feel guilty too because for this brief moment in my life things are fairly peaceful.
While I'm thankful for this lull in personal trials, I'm still continually affected by my own grief as well as fully aware and deeply moved by all of your struggles.
This morning, several of you are on my heart in such profound ways that I find myself lacking words of encouragement yet longing for you to grasp just how much God loves you even now as you try to understand what He's up to in your life.
If I could go backward and change things in my life,
believe me I would.
There are so many aspects of my journey that I wouldn't have written in the way in which they were penned by the author and perfecter of my faith,
I understand more and more every day what faith is all about as I hand my life to Him anew and trust Him in spite of all of my questions and doubts.
That's what I want for you today.
I want you to take whatever it is that's causing you to feel sad, discouraged, stressed, tired, down, confused, bewildered, or overwhelmed, and simply hand it to Him who has the power to handle it.
Release it into His care and then breathe deeply knowing that He's got you covered.
He can handle today.
He can handle this week.
I've learned over the years that He is rarely early but He is never late.......
He is faithful to keep His promises in His time.
As you wait for answers, ask Him to help you trust Him with the question marks.
I didn't have words on my own today.
I think these are words God knew someone needed to hear.
I hope it was you.
I love you all so much.
More than anything, I want you to smile today knowing you are loved with an everlasting love.
It's all that matters.