Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Phil. 4:17-19

I feel a lot like Paul today.

The prayers you have lifted up for our family and especially for Olivia during this sad time at our house have meant the world to us.

I never dreamed I could shed so many tears over a dog.

I never dreamed Olivia could either.

As I sat with her Saturday evening in the memory garden (I found her there on a rock with her head on her knees not long after she got home.), we talked about what a gift Kandi had been to our family.

We talked about the fact that she had been such a little cuddly companion during my recovery from my surgery and during Olivia's illness that seemed to last all spring.

We remembered so many cute and fun things about Kandi, and we cried and cried.

Maria came and sat with Olivia for a while and finally she came in the house.  But when she did, she chose to sit in the back room in Nick's favorite chair for a while.  This is a chair I haven't seen her sit in for a long time.  I sat by her again, and I listened to her talk with a shaky voice about how much she missed Nick and Kandi.

She shared that she wanted to be mad at God but she knew He could make things better.  She shared about how she was glad it happened to us if it had to happen to anyone, because she didn't want her friends to go through this.  As I listened to her talk, I was so overwhelmed with her selflessness and her deep love for God.  I thought of the verse that says that God is close to the brokenhearted, and I realized for the first time ever just how deeply God does love us.

As a mom, I had to stay near Olivia all evening in her grief.  The thought of her somewhere alone in the house or outside trying to process all of her pain was more than my heart could bear.

God is just like that.

He hurts when we hurt.

We are going to hurt in this imperfect world, and I am so thankful that He promises to be near us in our pain.  As our Father, He can't stand the thought of us being alone in our pain either. 

So please know you are not alone in yours.

This morning as I prepare for my first official day of school, I wanted to take a minute to share how the rest of our weekend unfolded.

Topsy, I have to say specifically to you that we don't always think straight at the Nischan house when we are grieving. :)

Saturday evening, Tim announced that he had been on the Internet and found a family in Lexington that was moving to Wisconsin and had two puppies (half Shih tzu and half chihuachihua) that they were needing to rehome.  They said the puppies MUST stay together.  Maria and Olivia screamed when they saw the pictures of the puppies, and I couldn't resist calling the number on the screen. I actually started crying on the phone telling them about Olivia and Kandi.

Anyway, after a nice conversation and sharing my blog address, the owner said she would talk with her family and call me back.

At first she said, "Sorry, we can't give you the puppies."

Then she said, "I'm joking!"

She had come to my blog and had read about Kandi and knew that we were true dog lovers and felt that we would be a good family for their sweet puppies.

We had friends coming from Lexington on Sunday to stay all night, so they picked the puppies up and this was our house Sunday evening.

(Thank you Pam and Ernie.)

This is Dash!     

This is Domino!

Like Paul, I write to say that because of your gifts of prayer for our family we have "received full payment and have more than enough." In return, I am praying that God will "meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus!"

We miss Kandi with every breath we take.  I told Olivia that we will still cry and that is okay.  But God has given us two little busy diversions from our heartache and for that we are thankful.

I love you all so much,