I woke up this morning about 45 minutes late.....
jumped out of bed, disappointed that I would have NO time to read and no time to write
before the hustle and bustle of the morning routine began.
I checked the back yard in hopes of snow......
So, I started my normal routine.
Coffee brewing, I thought, "I'm just going to check the forecast, maybe snow is almost here."
The Weather Channel predicted snow a little later in the day, but WSAZ seemed to list every school but ours as one already deciding not to risk the elements.
So, I continued my morning routine....
for only a few minutes before I received a text saying,
I couldn't believe it.
About that time, Olivia squealed from where she was sleeping, "No school!"
She had received a text too!
We're pathetic here, aren't we?!?!
We just love permission to stay in our jammies and have an extra cup of coffee or hot chocolate!
But, even with this news, I found myself not feeling my "old excitement."
Some things just aren't the same at our house.
Snow days are definitely a part of our life that has changed a lot over the years.
This house use to hum with the sound of boys playing Zelda, fixing frozen pizzas at all hours of the day or night.
This house was a house of action.
The humming settled down to a purr over time,
and parts of me have adjusted and actually savor the quietness of a purring house.
Parts of me still miss the wild days of snow boots, snow pants, and gloves scattered throughout every room.
This emptiness inside me feels a lot like the trees look outside my window,
barren branches, unprotected from the cold winds of winter.
I find myself having a winter heart lately.
Do you ever feel this way????
It's always risky to be transparent.
If no one can relate, then I'm setting myself up for pity.
I don't want that.
I just want to know I'm normal.
Today it's worth the risk to share, because I took my winter heart outside this morning and God shared something with me that I know I needed to see and hear.
He spoke to my winter heart.
I felt selfish keeping His message to myself, because you may be feeling a little blue too.
And when God speaks, He speaks to all who will listen.
Here's what happened..............
I stepped outside this morning in hopes of catching a few photos of the falling snow.
It was so pretty.
As I snapped this photo, the sound of one loudly chirping bird penetrated the silence of the otherwise quiet morning.
The contrast of the peaceful snow with the almost frantic calls of the bird became my focus.
I wanted to see this bird.
I kept thinking, it has to be right here.
It is so loud.
And then I saw it!
It flew from a bush nearby and landed right in the bush I was photographing!
It looked like a bird full of new life to me,
ready to burst forth with a nest full of little ones.
And I sensed in the bird a feeling of excitement over something.
I'm not sure what was going on in this bird's little life, but in the distance I could hear other birds replying and the whole experience made me smile.
To be a part of nature corresponding with nature.
It just made Twitter seem so "birdly" all of the sudden........
Who needs technology when you have wings and a beak!?!?
Watching this bird brought back a moment in Nick's cancer journey when I accidentally stepped on a tiny newborn bird that had fallen from its nest.
I'll never forget the horror of that moment as I was loading the car to leave for one of Nick's doctor appointments.
I remember vividly how I felt deep inside when I realized what I had done.
And I'll never forget how God used that experience on my sidewalk to speak to me that day,
"You have claimed me, Tammy, the One who feeds the sparrows, the One who knows when even a sparrow falls from His nest, as your Lord, and I know about this tiny bird that just fell. I love this bird. I did not kill this bird. You did."
In that moment, I knew God was leading me to accept something I was fighting in my own life.
God was telling me this......
I love Nick.
I am not killing Nick.
I'll never forget the profoundness of that tiny snapshot in time,
and I don't think I'll ever forget today.
Because as I walked through my backyard snapping photos, I noticed something about me..............
I cannot do with human hands what God does daily with supernatural hands.
I have plenty of ways to feed birds, take care of birds, provide for birds,
but all my ways are meaningless, empty,
not offering cold, hungry birds a single thing.
And yet they chirp with joy,
they trust in Him,
they do not worry or fret.
They know their Provider will do just that.........
with or without me.
And today, God spoke these words to my winter heart,
"Birds trust Me and sing for joy even on bitter, cold January days.
I want you to do the same.
Don't depend on this world for support, strength, nourishment..........
depend on Me."
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?
Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of God.
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many? sparrows.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body,
what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life.
Praying you find peace, joy, and hope knowing that just as God takes care of every bird, He longs to take care of you.
With deep love,